These transcripts are for your enjoyment, but please do not reuse, readapt or reproduce without express written permission. ~ Ken
Written By: Kenneth Vigue and Wes Johnson
CAST & VOICE TALENT
MEDIA: PLEASE STAND BY. STATIC TRANSITION.
KEN: Good evening. This is Kenneth Vigue. Long before streaming and even television, radio was the entertainment medium of choice around the world. Just as we once gathered around the glowing halo of our television sets, families would gather close to the radio and be plunged headfirst into radio drama, the theater of the mind. In Schenectady, New York in September of 1922, radio station WGY performed the very first production of what we know as full cast radio drama with sound effects and music. It captivated audiences and for generations and many decades since we dimmed the lights for thrills and chills. Tonight, the VoiceAPalooza Players invite you to journey with us far into the future and slightly to the left as we return to the Commonwealth of Fallout 4. 2 years have passed since the events we experienced there, and as you’ll see our actions then and continued actions now had some unintended consequences for our companions and friends. Locations and scene changes will be accompanied by this sound:
SFX: GONG
A gong, in the tradition of one of my heroes of old time radio: Arch Oobler. Now dim the lights, pop some corn and grab an iced cold Nuka Cola…and if you can, most importantly support our fundraiser for the Alzheimer’s Association with a goal to END this terrible disease.
(clears throat) The following program is an original play inspired by and written for Fallout 4 and while many of the original voice actors reprise their roles from Fallout 4, this story is a fantastic work of fiction and is no way shape or form considered canon. If it was considered canon, it would be preceded by the sound of the cannon canon. (pause) As you can hear from the silence, this is simply fun for funds…or a fever dream. You decide.
MEDIA: TV STATIC
MEDIA: OVERTURE THEME
SFX: SIGN RISES AND CURTAINS OPEN
MEDIA: OLD TIME RADIO NIGHT INTRO
CURTAIN CLOSES AND REOPENES.
MEDIA: BELL TONES.
JINGLE (F): (Singing) DCR! DCR! You’ve tuned into DCR! That’s right!
(Speaking) This is Diamond City Radio, the radio voice of the Commonwealth.
MEDIA: DRUMS.
ANNNOUNCER: Tonight! Live from the City of Diamonds in the heart of the Commonwealth…
VALENTINE: Detective Nick Valentine, Synthetic Sleuth. Chasin’ down the truth no matter where it leads…
MEDIA: ORCHESTRA CRESCENDO. NICK’S THEME.
ANNOUNCER: This week and every week, the Commonwealth Save State Assurance Society presents another thrilling adventure mystery transcribed from the case files of Detective Nick Valentine, the Synthetic Sleuth! But first a message from our sponsor…
SFX: GUNSHOTS. DOOR SLAMS.
RAIDER #1: Come out of there or we’re coming in!
RAIDER #2: Look Mack there’s two of us and one of you! So what’s it gonna be?! The caps in your safe or the caps IN YOUR FACE!? (drunken laugh)
RAIDER #1: Good one Splitlip! (drunken laugh)
SUE: (overly dramatic) Oh Roger! Whatever are we going to do?? Raiders at the door, chem fiends in the back…and only 15 minutes until the girls arrive for bridge and cocktails!
ROGER: (overly dramatic) Those foul-mouthed fiends! Those caps are for the Orphans Stuck in Refrigerators Relief Fund! If only I hadn’t traded in my Fat Man Nuclear Catapult for a Corvega on cinder blocks! Curse my shortsighted hubris! Oh Sue! What ARE we to do?
SPEAKER #1 Yes friends what are YOU to do in times of crisis? When just 3 inches of composite wood stands between you and being deprived of life and limb? At the Commonwealth Save State Assurance Society for over a century we’ve provided life assurance services for proud New England families as a sure safety net in times of trial. It’s in pickles such as this that we ask ourselves…?
SUE: I wish I had a gun?
RAIDER #1: Who are you talking to?
SPEAKER #1: That’s right! Have I saved enough? Can you save enough to support yourselves and your in family in the event of fire, windstorm, multi-chain abandoned car explosion, raider attacks, or accidental cannibal parricide.
ROGER: What?
SPEAKER #1: Now you’re getting it! Safe equals saved!
RAIDER #2: Look I don’t know who you are talkin’ to in there, but we’re bustin’ in there on the count of 10!
SPEAKER #1: In the event of sudden death, disfigurement, or dismemberment the Commonwealth Save State Assurance Society provides 10 minutes of time at affordable premiums starting at just 1000 caps.
SUE: Just 1000 caps?
RAIDER #2: Time’s up Brownstones! We’re comin’ in!
SFX: DOOR SMASHING.
ROGER: We’ll take it! We’ll take it!
SUE: SIGN IT ROGER! QUICKLY! BEFORE THEY SCUFF MY LACQUERED WOODBLOCK!
SFX: DOOR KICKED OPEN.
RAIDER #1: SPECIAL DELIVERY!
SFX: GUNSHOTS.
SFX: CLOCK CHIMES. TIME REVERSE.
ROGER: Hey! The door’s fixed!
SUE: My lacquered woodblock! No longer spattered with our life’s blood and remains! Oh, see how it shines! Look Roger! Look at the time! It’s 10 minutes ago!
SPEAKER #1: That’s right! Safe equals saved!
SFX: DOOR KNOCK.
RAIDER #1: Come out of there or we’re coming in!
RAIDER #2: Look Mack there’s two of us and one of you! So what’s it gonna be?! The caps in your safe or the caps IN YOUR FACE!? (drunken laugh)
RAIDER #1: Good one Splitlip! (drunken laugh)
ROGER: Well. Here we go again! (laughs)
SUE: (laughs) We’re going to die again, aren’t we?
SPEAKER #1: (chuckles) Yes you are! The Commonwealth Save State Assurance Society, your safety net when life needs a rollback!
SFX: ORCHESTRA CHORDS.
ANNOUNCER: And now, we join our synthetic sleuth at the start of another thrilling adventure! That of the mysterious and otherworldly “Death Shroud” affair! (pause) A gloomy fog has drifted in over the inky, irradiated waters of Boston Harbor. The once glittering spires of finance and industry stand silent witness to the jungle of vice, sin and despair below. And yet, in the heart of the city of the future whose future never came, a milky halo of light and hope shines above Diamond City. Hurrying along a maze-like alley of streets lined with rusty sheet metal houses, a woman clutches a shawl close, eyes darting in fear. She stops…looks and there like a beacon in the gloom, a red heart and a name known to all in the Commonwealth.
SFX: DOOR OPENS.
ELLIE PERKINS: Nick Valentine Detective Agency! You lookin’ for…hey…hey you alright miss? Here, pull up a chair. You’re shaking like a leaf.
MRS. VANCE: Oh, thank you, thank you. I… (overly dramatic crying)
ELLIE PERKINS: Hey now, hey now. It’s okay…here have a cup of joe. Just poured it. Stuff tastes like roofing tar, but it’ll steady your nerves.
MRS. VANCE: (sniffling) Thank you. (sips, pauses…thoughtful) I heard that the synth…
ELLIE PERKINS: (short, curt) MISTER Valentine.
MRS. VANCE: Yes, sorry, I mean…Mr. Valentine…that he’s helped people. Helped find people?
ELLIE PERKINS: Well, last time I checked…that’s what we do here.
MRS. VANCE: It’s…my Edgar.
ELLIE PERKINS: Husband?
MRS. VANCE: Yes. He went out yesterday morning, same as always. And he didn’t come home last night. And I know…I just know something’s happened to him.
ELLIE PERKINS: Look Mrs…?
MRS. VANCE: Vance. Jennifer Vance.
ELLIE PERKINS: What kind of work does he do?
MRS. VANCE: He’s a Caravan Guard for the Frost Sisters up in the North End.
ELLIE PERKINS: You sure he didn’t get hung up somewhere? Not too unusual for caravan routes to have to change with all the raider activity up there lately.
MRS. VANCE: No, no…he’s always come home to me! Always come home. And if he couldn’t he’d always send word. Always!
ELLIE PERKINS: I see. Look lady, sometimes in cases like this, how can I put this…
MRS. VANCE: (bristles) My EDGAR would never run off with some floozy! We’ve always had a happy marriage.
SFX: DOOR OPENS.
VALENTINE: A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. Ellie.
ELLIE PERKINS: How’d it go with Frankie?
VALENTINE: Found him trapped up on Beacon. Deathclaw took out the staircase. Pass me the toolkit Ellie…trying to catch him from 2 stories up was hell on the joints.
ELLIE PERKINS: What have I told you about takin’ chances Nicky? Your parts aren’t exactly easily available these days.
VALENTINE: Did Charlie get back yet?
ELLIE PERKINS: Not yet. Trouble?
VALENTINE: Wouldn’t be Charlie if it wasn’t. (Notices) Let me guess missing husband or stolen jewelry?
MRS. VANCE: I beg your pardon?
ELLIE PERKINS: Two for two Nicky, this is Mrs. Vance. Fellah gone missing.
VALENTINE: How long ago?
MRS. VANCE: Since yesterday morning.
ELLIE PERKINS: Frost Sisters.
VALENTINE: Two people who were never more aptly named. Caravan guard?
MRS. VANCE: That’s right.
SFX: DOOR OPENS.
ELLIE PERKINS: Oh, hey Charlie. You chase down that lead of Itchy Cassel?
CHARLIE: No dice. Tailed him from the Shamrock Taphouse to Columbus Park and lost him. Just up and disappeared down an alley…no trace of him.
ELLIE PERKINS: That’s odd…
VALENTINE: Been a lot of that around here lately. Put another pin in the board kid.
CHARLIE: Yes sir. Oh! Hey Greeley ran this over from Goodneighbor, ran into him outside and wanted to make sure you got this right away. Said it’s urgent. (Notices) Missing husband or stolen jewelry?
VALENTINE: We’ve already done that bit. Mrs. Vance, notice anything…out of character, unusual with your husband lately? Anything he said or did?
MRS. VANCE: (thinking) There was one thing…last week he was in the powder room getting ready for work when he let out this terrible scream. I came running…pounded on the door…he was in the corner, huddled, mumbling to himself…the mirror was smashed more than it already was.
CHARLIE: Mumbling? What was he saying?
MRS. VANCE: It was the strangest thing. He just kept saying, “not mine…not mine…” I just…well I guess I thought he’d had too much to drink with the boys the night before. Took him forever to calm down…oh my poor Edgar…where is he….? I just know something’s happened.
VALENTINE: We’ll do what we can Mrs. Vance. Was anything of his missing that you noticed since he left yesterday?
MRS. VANCE: Missing? No, I don’t think so…there was… (pauses) I know…what they say about your kind Mr. Valentine…I…can I trust you?
CHARLIE: Of all the nerve…
ELIIE PERKINS: (furious) Look lady, we don’t put with…
VALENTINE: (firm, cuts her off) Ellie. (Pauses and then chuckles) I’m not looking to be replacing anyone anytime soon if that’s what you’re meaning. I think that ship has sailed, and I helped steer it out of the harbor.
MRS. VANCE: That last morning…he stopped at the door, turned around and just stared right through me like he was mulling something over. He took something out of his pack and handed it to me, told me he took something…something that would change everything for us. Just needed to find a buyer. Said it wasn’t safe to keep it on him. Here.
CHARLIE: (whistles) Jeez Nick that’s worth some caps!
VALENTINE: 24 karat gold scarab and some kind of crystal. Looks like jade but…composition is all wrong.
CHARLIE: Mrs. Vance, can we hang on to this? Right now, it’s about the only thing we have to go on, right Nick?
VALENTINE: Yeah…Ellie put this in the safe.
MRS. VANCE: You must find him Mr. Valentine! Please! He’s all I have…
VALENTINE: Charlie, would you see Mrs. Vance home safely?
CHARLIE: Sure thing Nick. Come on ma’am. Streets aren’t safe at night.
MRS. VANCE: Thank you.
SFX: DOOR CLOSES.
ELLIE PERKINS: What do you think?
VALENTINE: I think if I had the foresight to grab a few spare synth bodies before those tin can soldiers nuked the place we’d still be understaffed. Something’s cookin’ Ellie…don’t know what. Almost forgot…package from Goodneighbor.
SFX: PAPER OPENS.
ELLIE PERKINS: A card? And a flower?
VALENTINE: Not just any flower kid. A magnolia.
SFX: GONG
ANNOUNCER: A mysterious scarab? A missing caravan guard? As Ellie added yet another pushpin into a map of the city, she felt a chill crawl up her spine, as she stepped back and noticed how many of them there now were. “Somethin’s cookin’,” Nick had said. As she placed the golden scarab into the back of the safe, she could’ve sworn she heard a whisper just behind her in the swirling fog by the window. Meanwhile, what urgent message came from Goodneighbor? You’ll find out right after this.
**INSERT AD BREAK #1: NUKA COLA**
SFX: GUN SHOTS.
PETE: Looks like you’re out of time Minute Men! (laughs)
EMIL: We’ve got them on the run Bloody Pete! This settlement’s all ours. Say, what should we call it?
PETE: Jet Town?
EMIL: Nah. Sounds like we’re overflow for airport lost luggage.
PETE: Bloodhill Deathburg?
EMIL: A little better, a little better…but that’s trying too hard.
PETE: Hmmm…I don’t know. What with the bloodlust and excessive chem use, sometimes it’s just hard for me to have a think.
EMIL: (chuckles) Sounds like you need a Nuka!
PETE: Try it and I’ll cut you!
EMIL: No, no, not like that…an iced cold Nuka Cola! Did you know they come in 5…uhh…10…no…wait…let me count…I dunno lots of flavors now!
PETE: Say what’s that one! It’s kind of pretty!
EMIL: 200-year-old new Nuka Cola Quantum! With a new 4 times 2 promise!
PETE: Come on man…you know I can’t math…jeez…
EMIL: No, no. Twice the calories, carbs, caffeine, and taste! And that beautiful glow? Heart healthy strontium-90! Just the thing to keep you going through a raid. Here…try some.
SFX: CAP POPPED. FIZZ.
PETE: Say! That’s crisp and refreshing!
EMIL: There you go! It restores your hit points!
PETE: What the hell’s a hit point?
EMIL: Come on man! Let’s chug and pillage!
PETE: CHUG AND PILLAGE!
EMIL: Thanks to crisp and refreshing Nuka Cola!
ZACK: 10 out of 10 raiders know to start your raid with an icy cold, refreshing Nuka Cola! Then, finish your night of fire and terror in the soft glow and powerful thirst-quenching punch of Nuka Cola Quantum. Whatever your mood or depraved disorder, there’s a Nuka Cola flavor to give your day a fizzy, nuclear boost including our newest, Nuka Cola Cranberry! Grab and guzzle the number one beverage of the post-apocalyptic hellscape: NUKA COLA!
ANNOUNCER: We now return to Nick Valentine Mysteries! Our hotwired hero received a mysterious summons from an old friend, that enigmatic lounge singer Magnolia, the golden throated temptress of the Third Rail. As we rejoin the thrilling adventure, Detective Nick Valentine is hot footing it over to that settlement of vice and the temptation for memories of a bygone world, “Goodneighbor”.
SFX: GATE OPEN NOISE
ADDICT: (meltdown) They took my street! He is coming! The 2 faced man! He’s COMING!
FRANK: Shut up or I’ll shut you up!
DAISY: Tough talk for a washed-up Gunner! Shut up and eat your noodles Frank.
VALENTINE: Everything all right Daisy?
DAISY: Just another day Valentine. What brings you out this way?
VALENTINE: Voice of an angel in a short skirt.
ADDICT: Someone help me! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME! I’M NOT ME!
DAISY: Yeah, yeah…how about you come inside hunny and wait for the chems to clear out.
ANNOUNCER: As Valentine wove his way through the milling crowd, a single scream rang out in the distance. A scream from a golden throated voice he’d recognize anywhere…
VALENTINE: Magnolia!
ANNOUNCER: Synthetic limbs springing into action he ran around the corner when suddenly….
SFX: EXPLOSION, BUILDING COLLAPSE
ANNOUNCER: Hurled backward against the alley wall, his synthetic skin flecking by the fireball, a cloud of brick dust and debris engulfed Goodneighbor, voices cried out in alarm. Valentine surged to his feet, every firing neuron of his synthetic brain guiding him forward.
VALENTINE: MAGNOLIA!
DAISY: Nick! (coughing) Valentine! Are you hurt?
BILL: Someone get a hose down here! We’ve got fire!
SAM: Hey Tiff! Go fetch the Doc! We’ve got wounded!
VALENTINE: Backside kissed the brickwork. Tunnel is partially collapsed. We’re gonna need some bodies…if you’ll pardon the expression.
DAISY: Hancock was in there! Frank round up the fellas! People trapped down there. Break those RobCo auto beams out of storage. We need to shore up the ceiling or we’ll be in a real fix.
FRANK: You got it Dais! Bill! Sam! You’re with me.
BILL: You got it.
SAM: Someone rig up some lighting! And round up a shovel crew!
HANCOCK: (muffled) HELP! (coughing)
DAISY: Mayor Hancock! Hang on! We’re comin’!
ANNOUNCER: Fueled by loyalty to their newly returned Mayor and fearless leader, ghoul and chem fiend, drunkard and Triggermen alike pulled debris from the tunnel, slowly working their way down until at last…
HANCOCK: (coughing) I’m here! (coughing) Can’t lift…
VALENTINE: There! He’s here! Hang on…got it. Grab hold…
HANCOCK: That a hand or a potato masher? (coughing) Valentine.
VALENTINE: Glad you’re still with us. Magnolia?
HANCOCK: Not down there. Was talkin’ to Whitechapel Charlie when someone clocked me from behind well and good. When I find the son of a bitch, I’m gonna wear his balls for earrings.
VALENTINE: Mr. Mayor again huh?
HANCOCK: I got bored of the Mentats and chill vibe, and saw things had started to slide around here. (coughing) Brotherhood boys tried to set up shop, some kind of outpost. We gave them the Goodneighbor goodbye. Didn’t come back after that.
VALENTINE: Magnolia sent this note over tonight. Said it was urgent…any idea what about?
HANCOCK: Yeah. She was losing her mind.
ANNOUNCER: Sometime later, Hancock and Valentine picked their way down into the former subway station turned speakeasy, the Third Rail. In a pile in the corner amidst smashed bottles and burned woodwork was the once familiar Mr. Handy known as Whitechapel Charlie.
HANCOCK: Ah damn…Charlie….
VALENTINE: Any chance you can salvage him?
HANCOCK: Maybe…I’ll have KL-E-O round up some fellas and see what we can do.
VALENTINE: Clean work, decisive, personal.
HANCOCK: If it’s the Brotherhood I swear to God…
VALENTINE: Nah, not the Brotherhood…if it had been they would’ve taken out the whole building. From experience when they tend to clean house they leave nothing to chance. Anyone been giving you trouble lately?
HANCOCK: Now that you mention this…a few weeks back some of the Triggerman came in here with a new overboss who’s been getting the families back in line that I haven’t seen in a century.
VALENTINE: New players in town? Who is it?
HANCOCK: Gruff looking guy. Calls himself Carmen “The Boss” Lombardo.
VALENTINE: Lombardo?! He with another woman? Long in the tooth and short on patience?
HANCOCK: Yeah! Kept calling her Ma. Assume it’s his real ma and not some kind of weird Oedipus roleplay or something.
VALENTINE: Mad Ma Lombardo used to run the North End gang back in the day with her husband Big Paulie. Tried to take out the heads of the other families and failed, got run out of the city.
HANCOCK: He threw some caps around, did some gambling and then had the balls to try and buy me out. Offered Magnolia 5,000 caps to come work for him at some dive he’s running. Said he’s got big plans for the city…
VALENTINE: I’m guessing he didn’t take kindly to rejection.
HANCOCK: Called in 15 of the boys and KL-E-O and expected a fire fight, but he just smirks, flips a cap in my face and headed out.
VALENTINE: Frost Sisters used to do some work for Ma Lombardo back in the day…interesting. Hang on…what’s this…
HANCOCK: Magnolia’s holorecorder.
VALENTINE: Tape’s still in it, set on record mode. Let’s see if she caught anything before the blast.
SFX: PIPBOY HOLOTAPE LOADED IN
MAGNOLIA: Hey Nicky. This isn’t a social call like last time, wish I could have dropped on in myself to sing you a different song tonight but I’m…
(Actress note: a little shaky scared, take a pause, shake it off…then back to the sultry, confident Magnolia. What you can’t tell him is that you’re scared to go outside.)
Been a long time since I seen those angel eyes of yours lurkin’ in the back. I knew there was something special about you the first time you walked in that door, orderin’ up a Gin Sling and a song before roughin’ up Perkins to chase down leads on the Markus twins. You never cared a lick that you were more circuits than chivalry, and you always put the pieces together. (Pause) I’m scared Nicky, terrified, seein’ more things than smoke and shadows up on this stage. It started small, just after the business with that Sole Survivor and Emogene and that affair down at the Institute. One night I clocked in, same as usual and the lights had changed, some brighter, fixtures that hadn’t been there. Just assumed Charlie or Hancock had made some changes to the place. Then another night, the tile was a different color, new and clean furniture, carpets, a brand-new stage with a microphone like it was just off the shelf in 2076. Here’s the rub Nicky…Charlie didn’t do it. No one did. That’s not what scared me…no…what scared me is he didn’t remember this place BEING any other way. “Always had those curtains Misses,” he said. Now you’re gonna think I’ve lost my marbles Valentine, but tonight, after my last song, as I was heading out, I passed a stranger…a stranger lookin’ back at me IN the mirror…it was me, but it wasn’t me. Different dress, long golden hair…(scared) Nicky, when I woke up this morning it was black. Hancock is pourin’ me the good stuff, thinks I’ve been hitting the chems too hard, but listen to me Valentine, we have more in common than you know. Only started remembering…I can see it and I think you will too. It all started with the…
SFX: CRASH. ENERGY DISCHARGE.
MAGNOLIA: Charlie? Charlie?! What’s happening out there!? Hancock!?
SFX: CRASHING. DOOR OPENS.
MAGNOLIA: No! No! You can’t be! Get off! Get off me!
SFX: STRUGGLING.
MAGNOLIA: FIND CONNOLLEY! (Gasping, scared, struggling) IT’S 47! IT STARTS WITH 47!
SFX: PIPBOY HOLOTAPE ENDS.
HANCOCK: 47? 47 what?
VALENTINE: She was speaking in code…assuming I’d figure it out. She was trying to keep it from whoever took her and conked you a good one. Kent Connolly still got that studio at Irma’s?
HANCOCK: Yeah…think so. Haven’t seen him in a while.
ANNOUNCER: Detective Nick Valentine and Hancock, the Ghoul Mayor of Goodneighbor, made their way to the strangely dark sign of the Scollay Square theatre, the VR haven known as the Memory Den. The Proprietor? The enchanting purveyor of escape into memory: Irma.
SFX: DOOR OPENS.
HANCOCK: Irma! You in! What the…
VALENTINE: Back wall’s been blown out. Pretty slick…must’ve timed it with the bomb at the Third Rail.
HANCOCK: One of the Loungers is gone…who the hell would steal a lounger? Irma!
IRMA: (Dizzy) Hancock? (moans) Someone…happened so fast. Heard an explosion from outside, then one from behind. Oh my head…
HANCOCK: Sit here…you’re bleeding. Some brick must’ve clocked yah.
IRMA: My Memory Den! Who did this? Brotherhood?
HANCOCK: Not their style. They have VR tech on that flying dumpster of theirs. Where’s Kent?
IRMA: He was…in his studio…restoring some Silver Shroud tapes that came in of the Frost Sister’s Carvan.
HANCOCK: Whoever did this needed a lounger.
VALENTINE: Yeah someone a little desperate for a walk down Memory Lane. Someone desperate enough to paint the walls…
HANCOCK: Kent! Oh…oh man…
ANNOUNCER: As they entered the dim interior of Kent Connolly’s studio, they were greeted by a terrifying scene. The body of the ghoulified radio technician lay slumped backward in his chair, his ruined face looking up at the ceiling. Impossibly painted above him on the ceiling, his life’s blood spelled the words “True Believer”.
HANCOCK: What the actual…someone carved out one of his eyes. Oh man that’s cold…even for me.
VALENTINE: Sliced him clear across the belly. Some smaller cuts here on his arms and face…some kind of symbols. Nothing I recognize. “True Believer” Did Nora give Kent back that Silver Shroud getup?
HANCOCK: I think so…yeah. Why?
VALENTINE: Display case is empty. It’s missing. Come on, time we find 47.
HANCOCK: 47?
VALENTINE: (chuckles) Pop some more Mentats Mister Mayor. 47 is the atomic number for silver.
SFX: GONG
ANNOUNCER: A chilling scene ladies and gentlemen. As our stalwart hero and the swashbuckling legend of American Freedom known as John Hancock return to Diamond City, we’ll be right back after a word from our sponsor.
**INSERT AD BREAK #2: CRAM**
JOHN: Man! What a relaxing afternoon this has been in the sun.
DANNY: Finished waxing the car, Dad!
JOHN: Great! Great!
DANNY: Now can we play ball?
JOHN: Yeah, yeah sure. Just finish regrouting the windows and we’ll do that. Daddy’s just gonna catch some more sun.
DANNY: Okay Dad! Don’t forget Mom said she needed you to make dinner tonight! Neighbors are coming over!
JOHN: Uh huh. (panic) DINNER?! What time is it? 5 o’clock? Oh no!
SFX: RUNNING. DOOR OPENS. SLAMS. RUMMINGING IN CABINETS.
JOHN: What to make? What to make!? Oh man my goose is cooked!
WES: Pssst. Hey mac.
JOHN: Who is that?
WES: Up here. Third shelf.
JOHN: Mr. Cram?
WES: That’s right! Short of time and finding yourself in a pickle?
JOHN: You can say that again!
WES: Looking for a thoroughly processed, meaty surprise?
JOHN: I guess?
WES: CRAM IT!
JOHN: I beg your pardon!
WES: Ready for a meal that will stick to your ribs and everywhere else?
JOHN: Well, it’s better than a casserole…
WES: What do we say???
JOHN: Cram it?
WES: CRAM IT! I cook in just minutes and can be added to entrees, salads, even Jell-O molds! Use your hands and mold me into the shape of a cow as an attractive table centerpiece!
JOHN: Oh, the family will probably love it!
WES: Cram! It’s meat! Mostly! And mostly delicious! Peel back the tin for a brick load of flavor and special preservatives. Why go hungry, when you can CRAM IT! (May cause abdominal distention).
ANNOUNCER: It’s now the early hours of the morning and as Diamond City sleeps shadows crawl along the rooftops close to the headquarters and home of the Nick Valentine Detective Agency. Unseen by our heroes in the still gloomy fog, Valentine is greeted by a grim scene.
VALENTINE: Charlie?! Hancock get the door.
HANCOCK: Oh man…someone worked him over.
VALENTINE: Hang on kid…who did this to you?
CHARLIE: (sputtering blood) Sorry Nick. Usually, I’m doin’ the shadowin’. Didn’t notice I had one of my own. (weak laugh turns to cough)
VALENTINE: Hang on kid…here let’s get you Stimmed…where’s Ellie?
CHARLIE: She’s okay…had headed home before I got back. Nick the safe…someone took it. It was open when I got back.
VALENTINE: Who gave you the works?
CHARLIE: Up…upstairs.
HANCOCK: Still lurking? Good. I’ve been itchin’ to vent some anger. You pick Nicky, blade or bullets?
VALENTINE: Neither. Stay here and take care of the kid. First aid kits in the back there along with some gin. The gin is for you. I’ve got this one.
SFX: STAIRS.
ANNOUNCER: As Valentine crept up the stairs, the glass from shattered bulbs crunching under his feet, flickering candlelight illuminated his drab upstairs apartment in long clutching shadows. Two figures grinned wickedly as a match was struck, flaring to light the end of a cigarette holder held in a manicured hand.
VALENTINE: Ma Lombardo. This your boy? Would he leave if I threw a stick?
THE BOSS: Synth with a sense of humor, Ma. Where’s the off button?
VALENTINE: Keep squawking…my friend downstairs is big on his hackin’, whackin’, and slashin’.
THE BOSS: My boys got this place surrounded downstairs just in case. It would probably take more than a few hits to take you down, but your friends’ downstairs? Sheet metal walls make for more poor protection.
MAD MA: Nick The Dick Valentine…been a long time.
VALENTINE: I’ll never forget the first time we met, but I’ll keep trying. Last I heard you were trying to shake down the New York city families. What happened? Bite off more of the apple than your boy can chew?
MAD MA: What can I say? Home is where the heart is.
VALENTINE: And the grave.
THE BOSS: Enough with the soft soap ma. Look Dick, that weepy dame who came on down here with a sob story left you something that didn’t belong to her. Something her old man stole off a shipment…our shipment. We want it back.
VALENTINE: Gold scarab with a jade crystal shell?
THE BOSS: That’s the one.
VALENTINE: Haven’t seen it.
THE BOSS: (laughs) Funny. Funny. Real original that one. So…how much?
VALENTINE: How much what?
THE BOSS: Everyone and everything has a price. What’s yours?
VALENTINE: My door with you on the other side of it.
SFX: GUN COCKED.
THE BOSS: Not a lot of parts left out there from what I hear now that the geeks have been atomized. Wonder how many pieces you’d blow apart to?
MAD MA: CARMEN.
THE BOSS: Let me ice him ma…
MAD MA: Don’t make me roll back and repeat. Leave him be.
THE BOSS: (Realizing) You kiddin’ me? You’re still soft on him. This thing ain’t even a man.
VALENTINE: True, but your Ma is more of a man than you are.
MAD MA: Nicky, Nicky, Nicky…we’re getting off on the wrong foot here. The kid downstairs…
VALENTINE: Charlie.
MAD MA: Charlie! Adorable boy…things got a little out of hand. Threw fists before words, so my boy reacted in kind. I’m sorry about that. But look Nicky, that jewel…it’s precious to me, in more ways that you can possibly understand.
VALENTINE: Angel, I understand more now than I did back then.
MAD MA: If not for caps, then for old time’s sake. There are worse things we can be than enemies.
THE BOSS: This city’s heartbeat is slowin down. We seen your board down there. So many pins…so many cases. This isn’t like the old neighborhood, the old alliances, and loyalties. Triggermen are broken, raiders taking back territory, cannibals and homeless mad synths. Those Minutemen? A failed joke. Those souped-up soldiers in their floating trash can at the airport? Useless. They don’t care about anything that ain’t made of circuits. Yeah…yeah you see it. Wiped that smug smirk right off your face. You started something 2 years ago you never finished, and the mess you left when you were done is left for everyone else to clean up. We’re not lookin’ for war, we’re looking for some order.
VALENTINE: With you as head of the table I take it.
MAD MA: My boy knows the street, but me? I know the people. We can’t run the table alone.
VALENTINE: No, but you sure know how to clear it. Blowin’ up the Third Rail isn’t your style Ma…not so sure about this drooler though. Hancock turn down your offer, so you take out the competition?
THE BOSS: What are you on about?
MAD MA: Someone moved on Goodneighbor? Wasn’t us Nicky honest.
THE BOSS: The dame…Magnolia…she okay?
VALENTINE: She put a shine on yah? That’s cute. Near as I can figure. Someone kidnapped her.
THE BOSS: Ma they said they wouldn’t…
MAD MA: Shut your trap.
VALENTINE: What’s so special about this scarab anyway?
MAD MA: Let’s just say it’s the stuff that dreams are made of. And your dream? Diamond City. We want you to run it…however you want. Bring home the lost synths, the run out ghouls. Help me fix this old burg.
VALENTINE: I’m a Detective not a politician. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a partner to patch up.
THE BOSS: We’re movin’ on Boston with or without you. Me? I’d rather see my morning coffee pourin’ out of your smart mouth.
VALENTINE: Takes a lot to be a smartass kid, first you need to be smart…otherwise you’re left with just the ass.
THE BOSS: You have 48 hours to turn out that scarab or we turn out Diamond City.
VALENTINE: We’ll roll out the carpet for you.
MAD MA: (Pauses) When we first got back. I decided to visit the old neighborhood and heard about Eddie Winter. (Tenderly) I’m sorry Nicky. Glad you got that son of a bitch. Please do the right thing.
SFX: DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES. FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS.
HANCOCK: Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me? You just letting them walk outta here?
VALENTINE: They’re looking for something I was keeping an eye on. And before you head off in a bloodlust, it wasn’t them who bombed the bar. They’re hiding something though…I’d bet my bolts on it…
SFX: GONG
ANNOUNCER: A new player in town with ties to the organized crime syndicate of the old neighborhood? Who stole the mysterious gold scarab? Find out what clues our dauntless detective will chase down next after a brief word from our sponsor.
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ANNOUNCER: Days, then weeks passed in a blur for Detective Nick Valentine and company. On the wall a map of the city of Boston is now covered in the pushpins of mysteries with no answers, dead end leads and clues with no clarity. While Hancock shakes down his contacts for leads on the bombing, the break-in and murder at the Memory Den, Diamond City and the boroughs of Boston prepare for a yearly celebration.
SFX: DOOR OPENS.
ELLIE PERKINS: Nicky you HAVE to go.
VALENTINE: The answer is no.
CHARLIE: I don’t see what the big deal is with this holiday anyway. Who was this Seth Patrick guy anyway?
VALENTINE: Local tradition holds that in the old days a guy named Seth Patrick chased all the molerats from Southie with nothing but a baseball bat according to Moe Cronin who organizes the thing. Didn’t have the heart to tell him it was St. Patrick, not Seth Patrick and in the old days we used to honor him with a parade, corned beef and cabbage and drunken street brawls followed by recreational toilet bowl hugging. I still kinda miss days I never lived, but remember all the same. If I’ve learned anything it’s that people are what they believe. Who am I to take that from them?
ELLIE PERKINS: Come on Nick…it’ll be fun.
CHARLIE: Just drop it Ellie. He already said no. Besides we’re gonna head up to canvas the Frost Sisters warehouse. Haven’t seen hide nor hair of them in over a week. Right Nick?
VALENTINE: Yeah…
SFX: DOOR KNOCK.
ELLIE PERKINS: Come in!
SFX: DOOR OPENS.
COURIER: Got a package here for a Nick Valentine?
CHARLIE: Who from?
COURIER: Ahhh…a Mr. or Mrs…uhhh DIMA? That a mail order place?
VALENTINE: Kid you’re not even in the ballpark.
COURIER: Far Harbor huh? I got a cousin up there!
ELLIE PERKINS: Oh? Fisherman?
COURIER: No. Worships a submarine.
CHARLIE: Who hasn’t?
ELLIE PERKINS: And they say romance is dead.
COURIER: Sign here please.
VALENTINE: Here’s something for your troubles.
COURIER: Gee thanks!
SFX: DOOR CLOSES.
SFX: PACKAGE OPENED.
CHARLIE: What is it?
VALENTINE: A little help from family. Sent a message out to Far Harbor to crunch some of numbers of all permutations of the number 47 in the Commonwealth and list them the result in order of statistical probability based on being the most obvious and the most visible on someone cracking its meaning.
ELLIE PERKINS: What’s the top result?
VALENTINE: A Vault, based on 87.5% probability.
CHARLIE: Vault 47? There is no Vault 47 around here.
VALENTINE: That anyone has found anyway. Travelling with Nora we ended up cranking into all of them, but Vault 47? That’s a new one on me. Would have to be pretty well hidden.
ELLIE PERKINS: Where do we start?
VALENTINE: I know a guy with the inside angle. Come on…
CHARLIE: What about the canvasing at the warehouse?
VALENTINE: That can wait. This is our first lead in weeks.
ELLIE PERKINS: You two have fun. I’m heading down to Southie. I still think you should’ve gone Nicky. Everybody will be there! Well not that supermutant he headed west…and Garvey out to the Jersey Wastes. But Piper, Cait, Curie, everyone, the first time all of you could be together again since taking out the Institute.
VALENTINE: (Horror stricken) What did you say?
ANNOUNCER: As Ellie’s words registered, electronic pathways formed new connections to paint a terrifying visual of 1’s and 0’s. The words Carmen “The Boss” Lombardo spat in his face weeks ago, “You started something 2 years ago you never finished…” The map back on the wall, filled with colored pushpins, every place they had travelled to, every quest to change things they did, pins in every region of the Commonwealth except…
VALENTINE: (Heavy weighted words as he realizes in horror) Except Southie.
ANNOUNCER: Servos firing to life, protocols activated: flight and fight.
VALENTINE: Ellie! Get on the radio out to Moe Cronin at the bandstand! Tell him to shut it down! Get everyone out of there!
ELLIE PERKINS: Why what’s wrong?
VALENTINE: Just hurry Ellie!
CHARLIE: The parade is starting soon Nick…we’ll never make it!
VALENTINE: You can’t kid. But I can. Hoof it up to Goodneighbor and get Hancock and all the muscles he can muster!
CHARLIE: What do I tell him?!
VALENTINE: Tell him it’s about to downpour in Southie!
ANNOUNCER: Synthetic limbs coiled and sprung into action, hurling our hero at superhuman speed out of Diamond City in a direct line for South Boston. To the south, friends and friends he called family, born of a shared journey, smiled and began waving to the crowd…unaware of the horror that was about to be unleashed.
SFX: MICROPHONE FEEDBACK.
MOE CRONIN: ….so in 1724, the Molerats ate all the crops which was a real drag for the people of Southie. So a woodsmith named Seth Patrick known for making the best hickory swatters this side of the Appalachias said, “not in my back yahd”. So he and some fellas uhhh Jefferson, Davis, Gwinnet and Phil went out into the woods and found the oldest tree they could find. So they chop it down right and haul it out with his big blue ox named Gabe and he makes the strongest swatters on earth, fashioned right from the heartwood of that great tree. He and the boys all grabbed their swatters and chased every Molerat right out of Southie and into Boston Hahbah and then ate his cow in Hahvahd Yahd with some cabbage now that the crops were safe. And since then, every year our ancestors sed to honor Seth Patrick with a parade, some baseball and the finest beer in New England!
EVERYONE: (Crowd cheering, stuff like Yeah! Let’s get swatting! You tell’em Moe!)
MOE CRONIN: So let’s get this parade going as we honor some of the heroes like Seth Patrick right from our own back yahd! Give it up for…
SFX: ROCKETS APPROACH FROM THE DISTANCE.
MAN #1: Look! Up in the sky!
WOMAN #1: What is that?!
MAN #1: It’s….the Silver Shroud! With….wings?!
WOMAN #1: No! That’s…the Mechanist?!
ANNOUNCER: The Mechanist! The Mechanical Master of Wretched Robots now clad in the garb of justice! Silver wings flapping with fire, he hovered over the awe struck crowd glaring down at them in judgement.
MECHANIST: People of Southie! Please attend carefully. This man before you stands on a throne of lies. For far too long I have sat idly by as vice and sin have squeezed the heart of this fair city. For years you have worshipped these heroes drenched in blood, whose foul actions have become a scourge on the Commonwealth.
ANNOUNCER: Careering unto the street, Detective Nick Valentine, skidded to a halt, blocked by the gathered crowd.
VALENTINE: Let me through! Please I need to get through!
MECHANIST: Once my brethren walked amongst you, the pinnacle of engineering, intent on living their lives in peace. Were they given peace? No! They were hunted down, destroyed! And with them all hope for a future safe from war, pestilence, hunger and plague.
VALENTINE: PIPER! CAIT! GET OUT! GET OUT OF THERE!
MECHANIST: Things are about to change my friends. Sacrifice has come for you evil-doers and I am its shroud! On your ashes, Boston rises!
ANNOUNCER: As the Mechanist soared higher, flashes of light, energy and displaced space disturbed the crowd. Detective Valentine stared in horror as 3 synths materialized in the crowd, clad in the unmistakable garb of the Children of Atom.
CULTIST #1: Boston must rise! Blessed whispers from the glow speak at last!
CULTIST #2: Praise and sacrifice to the 2-fold God!
CULTIST #3: Blessed is this sacrifice! Bathed in atom’s light!
VALENTINE: No! Stop them! Shoot them! Please get out of the way!
CULTISTS TOGETHER: We part the veil. We share the light. And with this light we open the path!
ANNOUNCER: Waving his gun wildly, a sudden electrical surge travelled up his body, space tore around him as Detective Valentine was spirited away just as a devastating wave of gamma radiation tore through the crowd, washing all of the former neighborhood of South Boston in life ending radiation.
SFX: EXPLOSION OF LIGHT AND RADIATION.
SFX: GONG
ANNOUNCER: (serious) An unspeakable act on the innocents of a city by a foul fiend. Let us take a brief intermission with a word from our sponsor.
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PAULA: Kids! Hurry up! Get ready for school! I want to see the back of bookbags in 5 minutes out that door!
ALEX (child): (moaning) Oh Mom…can I stay home today?
PAULA: Oh my! You look so pale and drawn! Whatever is the matter?
ALEX: I just feel so run down you know? Haven’t been able to keep up in class! And the coach says if my batting doesn’t improv before the big game, he’s going to bench me!
PAULA: Bench you! Before the big game?
PETER: Sounds like someone just needs a bowl of Sugar Bombs!
PAULA & ALEX: Captain Cosmos!
PAULA: In my home? As I live and breathe!
PETER: Kids, to start your day the RIGHT way you need explosive great taste! But fear not Moms, each box of sugar bombs does NOT contain any explosives.
PAULA: Well, that’s a relief! (overly loud and cliched laugh)
PETER: Here, allow me to use my Cosmic Powers to serve you up a bowl!
SFX: CEREAL AND MILK POUR.
ALEX: Oh hey! Neat! Each piece is shaped like a tactical nuclear weapon of mass annihilation! Awesome!
PAULA: Just like the one that killed your dear father in Anchorage.
PETER: Uhhh…what?
ALEX: Hey! There’s something in the box!
PETER: That’s right kid! A little gift from me, Captain Cosmos, to you!
ALEX: Oh wow! A real Captain Cosmos decoder ring!
PETER: Each box contains a secret message as to the whereabouts of that vile villain of the vectors of Dark Space, Dr. Zorbo!
MARK: DID SOMEONE SAY….
PAULA: (sighs) Dr. Zorbo? I thought we’d seen the last of him after the hearing.
MARK: AH!!!! WE MEET AGAIN CAPTAIN COSMOS! AND MY CURRENT SWORN ENEMY MRS. THOMPSON AND HER MEDDLING BRAT WHO HAS THROWN HIS FOOTBALL UNTO DR. ZORBO’S PETUNIAS FOR THE LAST TIME!
PETER: Quickly! This looks like a job for Sugar Bombs!
ALEX: Mmmmm! Taste that sugary flavor! I think I’m having palpitations!
PETER: That’s how you know it’s working.
DR. ZORBO: TOO MUCH SUGARY GOODNESS! YOU’VE WON THIS TIME CAPTAIN COSMOS AND A CONFUSING CROSS PROMOTIONAL ACTIVATION!
PETER: “Death Shroud! A Nick Valentine Mystery” is brought to you by the rich, sugary taste of Sugar Bombs! An atomic explosion of flavor in every bite! Sugar Bombs! Chock full of vitamins, minerals, and trace radiation in every spoonful. How do we do It? SCIENCE! Yay! Overload your system with Sugar Bombs, a nuclear addition to any nutritional breakfast!
SFX: RAIN.
ANNOUNCER: We return to a city in mourning, whispered terror behind doors and windows. A day of celebration, now bathed under a perpetual cloud of green skied radiation over South Boston. Our Detective stands silently in the rain over the graves of so many faces he knew and names he treasured. A familiar figure emerges from the shadows of a weeping willow.
ELLIE PERKINS: How you doin’ Nicky?
VALENTINE: It was a nice sermon.
ELLIE PERKINS: Yeah! Yeah I thought so….Charlie he…hasn’t found out anything about that maniac yet, but we’ll keep lookin’.
VALENTINE: I’ve lived a long time Ellie. Seen the neighborhoods change, kids I used to toss balls to or giving caps for errands one minute then breathing their last into an oxygen tank in the next. I got slow….I should’ve seen this coming.
ELLIE PERKINS: None of us saw this comin Nick. There’s someone here to see yah. I’ll leave you two alone. Meet you back in Goodneighbor.
NORA: You gonna just stand there and stare or are you going to give an old friend a hug?
VALENTINE: (laughs) Nora. Never change. How’s the kid?
NORA: (laughs) Every day’s an adventure with him. (silent pause) How are you doing?
VALENTINE: Ask me another one.
NORA: (anger) Who….who DID this??
VALENTINE: That’s a better one. You have no idea how glad I am that you decided to bow out of the spotlight of all of this. We’re all that’s left. You, Hancock….
DANSE: …and me.
VALENTINE: Paladin Danse.
DANSE: Just Danse now please.
VALENTINE: Oh? That’s a nice change of tune. Technically we’re family now you know…though the Institute definitely gave you more of that showroom shine.
DANSE: I brought you a few cans of motor oil. Want me leave them here or…?
VALENTINE: Strip away that Brotherhood bravado and the Knight finds a mouth. Want a hug from your older brother?
DANSE: Don’t touch me. Hey, anyone track down Macready yet? If someone’s gunning for us, they’re gunning for him too.
VALENTINE: Last I heard he was running odd jobs for the caravans, planning on heading back to see his kid.
DANSE: What about Strong?
NORA: He was…not fitting in at Sanctuary. Told him there was a Milk of Human Kindness fountain where we all get our power somewhere west of Topeka, Kansas.
DANSE: Nice. Someone lookin’ after the kid?
NORA: Codsworth has him well guarded. We upgraded defenses there…I’m not dealing with another kidnapping. Mama Murphy’s been keeping an eye on him. Well…here comes trouble.
HANCOCK: Well son of a BITCH! NORA! Bring it on in here!
NORA: (laughing) Mister Mayor. Couldn’t stay away huh?
HANCOCK: Yeah you know, place started to slide…it was time to take back the crown.
DANSE: Really? That’s funny, I heard you racked up a 15,000 cap debt at the Easy City Downs and Captain Sally said if she ever saw you down there again she’d gut you like a fish?
HANCOCK: If I kill him, it doesn’t count because he’s not a real person, right?
NORA: Enough you two.
VALENTINE: For weeks all I’ve been doin’ is asking questions. The pieces of a puzzle that when you fit them together all they form is a black hole. That dirty bomb wouldn’t have killed me, might’ve damaged me…but someone pulled me out there with Institute tech.
NORA: Institute tech?
VALENTINE: What happened to the Signal Interceptor the Brotherhood built?
DANSE: Search me. I’ve still got a kill order on sight.
NORA: Lost contact with them after Maxson took a detachment to D.C. Last I saw it, it was still at the airport.
HANCOCK: I’ve been seeing some Brotherhood tech and supplies showing up on the black market. Nothing I was into, but word is…someone’s been dealing out the back door.
DANSE: None of the officers would ever violate oath or protocols. Would have to be someone further down the chain, but access to secure areas.
VALENTINE: Found this stuck on me when I dropped 10 feet out of the sky by the Green Monster. Catch handsome!
DANSE: Courser Chip? No…this one’s been modified somehow. A remote beacon of some kind.
VALENTINE: Someone hauled me out of there at the last moment. What bothers me is that I was in Southie around 10:15 in the morning. When I was dropped back in Diamond City it was past 4. Block of my memory engrams have been scrambled harder than an agg.
NORA: Got any ideas?
VALENTINE: One. An old flame.
HANCOCK: You’re kidding me right? YOU! (laughs) Now that I’ve got to see! No really…can I see how that would work? I’m genuinely interested.
VALENTINE: She’s the only one who knew enough about me to fish around in my head. Come on. I’ll fill you in on everything on the way back, but I need to be honest with you. This isn’t a missing kid or a war…this is personal, what’s happening is about us. We’re being hunted.
NORA: They want it personal? Then let’s make it personal.
HANCOCK: Whooooo! The gang is back baby!
SFX: GUNSHOTS INTO THE AIR.
DANSE: (sighs) You should’ve let Maxson shoot me.
ANNOUNCER: Day turned to night as coffee cups were emptied and tales were told. Springing into action, a plan was formed as Nora, Dance and Hancock headed to stake out the Frost Sisters Warehouse. Meanwhile Valentine and Charlie paid a visit to a particular ghoul in a shabby apartment at the Hotel Rexford in Goodneighbor.
SFX: DOOR KNOCK
VT REP: If I told you once I told you a thousand times! I don’t have any chems or caps! Now get the hell out of here before I pump your guts full of lead.
CHARLIE: Mind if I?
VALENTINE: What do you think I brought you along for? Go to work kid.
SFX: DOOR KICKED OPEN.
CHARLIE: Room service.
VT REP: (startled) All right all right! Chems are over there! Safe is in the back! Don’t kill me! Technically I’m already dead!
VALENTINE: A mutual friend sends her regards.
VT REP: Mutual friend?
VALENTINE: Four score and a great war ago she was the last one you signed up for a Vault without telling her Vault-Tec was going to turn her into a frozen dinner.
VT REP: Nora? Yes! Yes…I saw her again…what 2 years ago now? What do you want with me?
VALENTINE: Sing us a song about Vault-Tec.
VT REP: Look I told her then and I’ll tell you now I didn’t know what they were going to do to her and her family!
CHARLIE: Yeah. We don’t care. What we want to know is what you know about Vault 47.
VT REP: Vault 47? There…there isn’t a Vault 47.
VALENTINE: Yeah, we know…except there has to be. Look mac if Vault-Tec wanted to keep a place off the books…
CHARLIE: Where would they keep that kind of information?
VT REP: Vault-Tec Regional Headquarters I suppose. There’s a mainframe on the top floor, but most of the stairwells have collapsed and the elevator’s been out of order for ages.
CHARLIE: Been clocking in lately, have you?
VT REP: Don’t you ever get a little nostalgic for the old days kid?
CHARLIE: My old days was spent in the alleys watching my parents get gunned down for a measly 50 caps and some Buffout.
VT REP: I…I’m sorry. That’s terrible.
VALENTINE: You still have your keycards and security clearance?
VT REP: Well, yes I suppose.
VALENTINE: Fantastic. Let’s go for a walk.
ANNOUNCER: Meanwhile far across town, as night descends on the city, Nora, Hancock and Danse cut through the fencing of a ramshackle warehouse. A rusted enamel sign clatters as the chain-link tears free painted with the words: Frost Sisters Caravan Company.
HANCOCK: How we doin’ this? Guns blazing or are we going to be boring and creep around?
DANSE: Sure if you’ve got some kind of death wish.
NORA: Looks like the south and east door is barricaded. Main door there has 2 guards with plasma rifles. There’s a fire escape on the west facing side, bottom ladder was cut off but we could lift each other up to grab hold.
HANCOCK: Yeah what about the roof and that skylight? Danse, scan the building!
DANSE: What?
HANCOCK: Use infrared vision to pick up thermals!
DANSE: That’s not how I work. I don’t have infrared vision.
HANCOCK: Really? Man…so much for the human 2.0.
NORA: (chuckles) Come on…let’s make our way around to the back.
ANNOUNCER: Stealthily moving to shadows, our trio at last was beneath a rickety fire escape and one by one lifted and pulled each other up. Creeping across the baked brittle roof of the aged warehouse, their faces were at last lit through the skylight. Below them, the frost sisters, the malignant twins of trading, fused together by FEV exposure leaning close over a map of the city.
ELLA FROST: NO Sister dear, the timetable is set. We cannot risk it.
LOUISA FROST: We MUST if we want a seat at the table. If that meatheaded oaf and his mother find the scarab first we will be CUT OUT. He will not tolerate any more delays.
DANSE: Well at least we can scratch them out as far as taking the scarab.
NORA: Assuming the meathead oaf and mother are the Lombardos. What does she mean a seat at the table?
ELLA FROST: Let me see it sister dear! Just one more time!
LOUISA FROST: NO!
ELLA FROST: Please?
LOUISA FROST: Oh very well…
ANNOUNCER: The twisted twins deftly unlock a crate, inside glinting in the lights of the warehouse rests an intricately carved crown.
HANCOCK: (whistles) We could hawk that and buy an island down in Florida…assuming its still there. Coconuts, chems…soft powdery highly irradiated sand.
DANSE: And probably some giant mutated monstrosity, weird cults and Nuka Land cannibal raiders.
NORA: I’ve seen that before.
DANSE: The crown? Where?
NORA: You remember the Cabots and that affair with Emogene we helped out with?
DANSE: No. You took Nick and left me at home staring into the middle distance. After what we’d been through, you didn’t have to sideline me like that.
NORA: We are not going to dig into this ancient history right now Danse.
DANSE: Was it a social anxiety thing? Did…did I smell? You only took one of us at a time.
HANCOCK: Some sad violin music comin’ from somewhere.
NORA: Can we not do this now?
HANCOCK: Christ…ANYWAY…so you’re sayin’ that crown belonged to the family?
NORA: Lorenzo Cabot, patriarch of the clan. He led an expedition to the try and find the lost city of Ubar in 1894, believing that once long ago the Earth had been home to a vast, powerful civilization that worshipped the Old Gods, or beings from other realities, dimensions, universes…hell I don’t know. Anyway he came back from the Middle East a changed man wearing that crown and became…something more than human.
DANSE: Superhuman abilities? Brotherhood Scribes talked sometimes about rumors they’d heard back east of people, mutants with psychic powers. (chuckle) Called them Psykers.
NORA: Yeah this guy had something all right. We…made a deal with Jack Cabot, but things didn’t go according to plan at the asylum. Jack wanted me to kill Lorenzo and I had enough blood on my hands. We let him out and washed our hands of it.
HANCOCK: What happened to the guy?
NORA: He killed his family and started taking people apart in the Commonwealth to see what they were like inside. Nick was furious with me.
FINK WILSON: (clears throat)
ELLA FROST: What do you want Fink…
LOUISA FROST: …fool? We’re busy!
FINK WILSON: The crew at the quarry has everything in place. You want them to start pumpin’?
ELLA FROST: Yes you imbecile! Pumping should’ve started days ago!
FINK WILSON: Uhh…there’s one other thing. That place is…spooky. Some of the fellas were talking. Think the place is haunted or something.
LOUISA FROST: Haunted? Sister dear they think it’s haunted?
ELLA FROST: Positively terrifying sister dear.
LOUISA FROST: Mr. Wilson please inform them that unless they WANT TO HAUNT IT, THEY’LL GROW A PAIR OF BALLS AND FINISH THE JOB! IS THAT CLEAR!
FINK WILSON: Yes! YES! Yes ma’am!
ELLA FROST: Dinner?
LOUISA FROST: Yes let’s.
ELLA FROST: Cram?
LOUISA FROST: Oh dear me no sister dear…it make me all gassy…
HANCOCK: There! They’re leaving! Drop me down over the edge. Think I can shimmy through a window and nab that thing!
NORA: No! It’s too risky! Nick said canvas only...we’re not geared up for a firefight if anything goes wrong!
DANSE: Nora’s right. We need a plan of attack, two groups…one to secure the asset, the other to create a distraction.
HANCOCK: I just love when you get all Brotherly.
DANSE: God just…just shut up.
SFX: ALARM
NORA: Shit! They’re on to us! Let’s go!
DANSE: No wait. Look…up there.
ANNOUNCER: Emerging from the black sky, the Mechanist! The stolen regalia of the Silver Shroud flapping in the breeze. Surging through the sky, beneath cold metal eyes, his gaze was fixed upon the warehouse.
SFX: ROCKET PACKS FLY.
MECHANIST: FROST SISTERS! WHERE IS THE CROWN?!
HANCOCK: There’s the son of a bitch…one good shot…
DANSE: No! Are you nuts? He’s armored, dual wielding and you’re wearing a 16th century nightgown.
HANCOCK: You unpatriotic son of a…
NORA: Hush damn it! I want to hear.
SFX: SLAM TO GROUND AND HEAVY FOOTSTEPS.
GUARD #1: Open the gate!
SFX: GATE OPENING.
GUARD #1: (panic) Open it faster! Must go faster!
MECHANIST: GET OUT OF MY WAY CRETIN!
SFX: PUNCH. FLY THROUGH THE AIR AND CRASH.
GUARD #1: (muffled) AHHHH!
SFX: DOOR RIPPED OFF HINGES.
LOUISA FROST: (screaming) It’s here! It’s here sir! Right here!
ELLA FROST: (panic) Calm down sister…we’re old friends here, aren’t we sir?
MECHANIST: YOU FUMBLING VERMIN. 2 DAYS….2 DAYS YOU KEPT ME WAITING FOR DELIVERY WHEN THE TIME FOR UNITY DRAWS NEAR.
ELLA FROST: Oh yes we’re quite looking forward to unity aren’t we sister?
LOUISA FROST: Oh yes dear sister!
SFX: GRAB THROATS
LOUISA FROST: (gasping continous)
ELLA FROST: (gasping continuous)
MECHANIST: I HAVE NEITHER TIME NOR PATIENCE FOR YOUR POSTURING. THE CROWN. NOW.
LOUISA FROST: (gasping) TABLE! THERE! WE WERE JUST…
ELLA FROST: (gasping) BOXING IT UP…SIR.
SFX: RELEASES. BODY FALLS TO FLOOR.
MECHANIST: SO WHY THE DELAY IN DELIVERY? AHHHH YES! AT LAST! WAIT…IT IS…INCOMPLETE. WHERE IS THE SCARAB?
ELLA FROST: (scared) It was taken! Robbed! Robbed weren’t we sister!
LOUISA FROST: (terrified) Yes! Yes! Dear sister! A guard stole it, but we fixed him and his misses didn’t we sister?
ELLA FROST: Yes! Yes! They won’t trouble us further. The Detective! Valentine! He had it!
LOUISA FROST: Well yes sister, but then someone took it from him…that BITCH and her son! Thinking they can just bully their way into our turf…
MECHANIST: SILENCE! THE LOMBARDOS ARE LOYAL AND DO NOT HIDE BEHIND FEAR LIKE YOU TWO IMPURE CATTLE! I WILL FIND THE SCARAB. AND THE QUARRY?
ELLA FROST: Oh! On schedule! Everything fine there! Our best people!
LOUISA FROST: Yes sister! The very best engineers.
MECHANIST: WE SHALL SEE. CHANGE COMES AT A COST.
DANSE: Something’s wrong. We need to go! Go now! Run!
ANNOUNCER: Hurrying down the fire escape, leaping from the final rung, our heroes ran for the fence just as an explosion of glass surged upward from the now obliterated skylight. Crown in hand, the Mechanist turned back in silent judgement.
MECHANIST: YOUR CREDIT HAS JUST RUN OUT. DEATH HAS COME FOR YOU FROST SISTERS…AND I STOLE ITS SHROUD.
SFX: MININUKE ARMED.
DANSE: It’s a suicider mininuke! DOWN!
SFX: BUILDING EXPLODES.
ANNOUNCER: Diving to the ground, the warehouse was torn apart in atom’s own fire. The accounts owed to Frost Sisters Carvan Co. were paid in full.
DANSE: You alright?
NORA: I’m fine.
DANSE: Here let me help you up.
HANCOCK: Yeah I’m fine too lover. A real enchanted moment here. Son of a bitch burned my coat! These things don’t exactly grow on trees…metal faced jackass.
NORA: Come on…let’s get out of here before he sees us. We need to find that scarab before he does. But we need someone who can see what others can’t. Mama Murphy…
SFX: GONG
ANNOUNCER: The might of the Mechanist wielding the decidedly deadly power of the Silver Shroud! A terrifying force to be sure dear friends. Please stand by for the next exciting chapter of “Death Shroud! A Nick Valentine Mystery” after a brief word from our sponsor.
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ANNOUNCER: Meanwhile in a suburb outside of Concord, once a shining avenue of the Homes of Tomorrow, the new town of Sanctuary lies eerily quiet. The normal chatter of trades people, residents and traders gone, with the wind speaking only…keening through the ruined homes.
DANSE: Hold up.
NORA: That’s funny…where the hell is everyone?
HANCOCK: I’m circling round back.
NORA: Oh my God Shawn!
DANSE: Nora! Wait!
SFX: RUNNING
ANNOUNCER: Heart thumping wildly in her chest as it all came flooding back, Nora noticed for the first time the shattered light bulbs, shell casings of the unmistakable Tommy gun’s favored by the Triggermen, the corpses of friends and neighbors slumped against walls and lying in shrubbery.
NORA: SHAWN! SHAWN!
ANNOUNCER: Nora hurried up her steps, skidding to a halt at the now barricaded door, just as a jet of fire erupted through a hole in the assembly of furniture.
CODSWORTH: IF YOU WANT HIM, YOU’LL HAVE TO COME THROUGH ME YOU SONS OF BITCHES! HAAAA!
NORA: Codsworth?
CODSWORTH: Ma’am?
NORA: Codsworth! What happened!
CODSWORTH: The Triggermen! Those mischievous mafiosos! Happened so fast. I secured the young master inside and barricaded the door. Oh, it was horrible! Simply horrible!
DANSE: Hang on, I’ve got this. Let’s get this door open.
CODSWORTH: Master Danse! It’s so wonderful to see you again!
DANSE: You too.
CODSWORTH: Does this mean you’ll be resuming duties as master of the household and continuing in your relationship with the mistress?
DANSE: I…uhhh…
NORA: Shawn!
SHAWN: Mom?! Mom! They came with guns! Is everyone okay?
NORA: It’s okay…let’s get you back inside, okay?
HANCOCK: Hey! Oh man you would not believe the piles of bodies in your backyard.
NORA: HANCOCK!
SHAWN: Everybody’s DEAD?! (cries)
HANCOCK: Oh…uhh…I mean everyone’s sleeping kid. Totally fine. You want a hug? Something from the Tooth Bunny? Maybe a shot of whiskey?
DANSE: You are not good with kids.
HANCOCK: I’m really not.
CODSWORTH: Ma’am. Grandmother Murphy…when they came, they were slamming against the door. I didn’t think it would hold, but then she opened fire from across the street. Distracted them. If not for her…
NORA: Shawn stay with….
HANCOCK: I’ll watch the little tyke.
NORA: Absolutely not. Stay with Codsworth. Okay?
SHAWN: Okay Mom.
ANNOUNCER: Making their way across the street to Mama Murphy’s, the riddled bodies of Triggermen littered the yard and sidewalk.
HANCOCK: Man…what a badass.
ANNOUNCER: Inside, another grim scene, now all too familiar with Mayor Hancock. Runes carved into the defiant form of Mama Murphy, slumped back in the chair Nora had built for her, gun still in hand. Above her, a red splashed ceiling with the words, “The eye of a True Seer”. Upturned towards those grim words with one eye fixed on them and the other missing.
DANSE: Jesus…this is…awful. Since when did the mafia get into cult activity? Why’d they take one her eyes?
HANCOCK: Same as the Memory Den. This is some grim shit…I’m going outside to take a hit.
DANSE: Are you okay? I can…I mean Hancock and I can take care of this.
NORA: We had a home here Danse. I can’t raise him in this chaos…we’re earned our peace.
DANSE: We don’t have to stay…if you want to take him and Cogsworth, we can get you out of the Commonwealth to somewhere safe. I have some contacts still to the west.
NORA: I’m not about to abandon everyone here either for some I started looking for Shawn. It is not safe here anymore. Come on, we’re taking him to Diamond City. At this point it’s best if we stick together.
DANSE: Strength in numbers.
NORA: And in people you can count on.
ANNOUNCER: While Nora and the gang make ready to flee to the relative safety of Diamond City, deep in the groaning, mildewed recesses of the sinister Vault-Tec Regional Headquarters, Detective Nick Valentine, Charlie and the Vault-Tec Rep look for a way up to the upper floors.
VT REP: …no one really knows why or what for. I heard talks of some secret government still out there years ago, but nothing came of it and nothing changed.
VALENTINE: It all comes back to change doesn’t it?
CHARLIE: But you had to know what you were doing.
VT REP: I had a quota, and a list of names. My job was to assess the candidates before the initial meeting. Psychographic profiles, bank records, phone calls…Vault-Tec had access to everything thanks to government contracts. If they ever cared what Vault-Tec was really doing that ship sailed long ago.
CHARLIE: Well you had a chance to make a difference by turn your nose towards what you were signing people up for.
VT REP: Look kid I’ve had to live generations of lifetimes with that guilt, if you think you can get a dig into me…good luck. My skin’s grown quite thick.
VALENTINE: There…ventilation access. What’s above here?
VT REP: Should be Regional Vice-President’s office I think…it’s not like it was yesterday and I was only given the full tour once.
CHARLIE: A little narrow in there. Why don’t we check for an elevator shaft? Make our way up that way?
VALENTINE: Placed closed up this tight is bound to have a few former employees who bit the big rad and went a little feral. I’m not too keen to open any doors that aren’t already open.
CHARLIE: We’ll be fine! I’m telling yah. Look there’s probably one right down the hall.
VALENTINE: I said the ventilation shaft. Look what’s got into you anyway kid?
SFX: BANGING DOORS. GUNSHOTS.
THE BOSS: Upstairs! Get some guys on the exits! Anyone gets past you, it’s your ass I’m pumping full of bullets!
VT REP: Triggermen! We’re cut off up here! We’re sitting ducks!
CHARLIE: (sighs) God damn it…this wasn’t supposed to be how it went down.
VALENTINE: Charlie? What the hell did you do?
CHARLIE: I’m sorry Nick.
VALENTINE: You…you SET ME UP?
CHARLIE: It’s not like that. Something big’s coming Nick, something that will change everything for you, for me, for Ellie.
VALENTINE: Did you leave your brain in your other pants? What the hell are you talking about?
CHARLIE: It was at Ruffino’s, new place they opened months back…I got in deep Nick. I owed them 50,000 caps. I took the scarab from the safe, hide it someplace…didn’t plan on them showing up to rough me up about the caps. But we struck a deal, didn’t tell them I had it until I was sure. All they wanted was help. Help to help all of us.
VALENTINE: The only help Ma Lombardo ever gives her RATS is a pair of cement shoes and a long drink of water. I taught you better than this!
CHARLIE: No listen! They needed that scarab Nick, not to sell it…but for what it can do, what it’s part of. What if…what if I could have my parents back? Or what if you didn’t have to look like that anymore? What if you could look human? Be human through and through? What if we could run Diamond City, remake it…make it better, newer, cleaner.
VALENTINE: It’s a scarab not a magic lamp.
CHARLIE: Not on its own it isn’t…
CHARLIE: It had to start in Southie…I tried to keep you away from there. You weren’t even supposed to be there! They weren’t ready for you yet. I barely made it to back to Ruffino’s so they could rip you out of there.
SFX: GRABBING THE KID BY THE COLLAR.
VALENTINE: You got my friends killed! All those people! What could possibly be worth their lives? God damn it kid, spill it! What did they take from me!
SFX: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.
VT REP: Don’t shoot! I just work here! I came along under duress!
THE BOSS: You meet the funniest people in the funniest places. Hey Dick, nice to see you again. I was telling Ma we should have you over, show you how we’ve been fixing up the neighborhood. Things would move a lot smoother with you on our side.
VALENTINE: You and Mad Ma? That dizzy dame should come with a warning label.
THE BOSS: Nah…not just us we’ve raised a few friends.
KELLOGG: A dead man walking.
ANNOUNCER: If Valentine had a heart, it would’ve stopped. He knew that face, the face they’d hunted together, the face that murdered Nora’s husband, stolen her child and her future. The face he’d seen shattered by a bullet, now born anew, a body that was a Frankenstein patchwork of salvaged courser body parts and eyes that then as now were dark pools of malice. The merciless merc, Conrad Kellogg!
VALENTINE: Kellogg? No…no you’re dead. Nora put a bullet clean through your head! You KNEW about this?
CHARLIE: He hid something long ago, something they needed. No choice but to bring him back.
THE BOSS: We had a little help from your synth kind and that clever Dr. Amari. But all we had was a lifeless bag of meat and a brain long past the shelf life. With a little persuasion she shared a little secret…just between us.
KELLOGG: Did you know that the brain keeps on ticking a full 900 seconds after you die? Even with a hole and part of it missing, it still keeps going…keeps thinking and feeling. You didn’t just kill me, no…you two scooped up a part of me with a spoon and ABSORBED me. I’ve robbed people of gear and life in my time, but you? You robbed my fucking soul.
VT REP: Can I just go please?
KELLOGG: Shut your mouth.
VT REP: Fair enough.
CHARLIE: You promised you wouldn’t hurt him.
THE BOSS: I don’t need reminding of MY promises. Not too sure about Kellogg here though. He’s not keen on forgiveness. You got what’s mine?
CHARLIE: Yeah…it’s here.
THE BOSS: Finally…man look at that sparkle. Let’s go…he wanted this yesterday.
KELLOGG: You want to know the strangest thing?
THE BOSS: Here we go again…we GOT what we came for. Let’s go…
KELLOGG: This your “kid”? Little wet around the ears…just like I used to be.
CHARLIE: Please you’ve got the scarab! You promised you’d leave him alone.
THE BOSS: How about you shut up before I shut you up?
KELLOGG: When you, that Doctor and Nora shredded my memories apart, got your jollies off on every sad story, secret and deed I did, when you were done I was still in there. Trapped inside your head. You know what that’s like? No body to run with, no lungs to scream from.
SFX: GUNSHOT.
ANNOUNCER: Before even registering the shot, Charlie looked down in wonder and horror as crimson spread across his shirt, punctured with a dark smoking hole. Kellogg smirked with the half of his face that was still human.
CHARLIE: (gasps) N….Nick?
SFX: BODY FALLS.
KELLOGG: And no eyes to cry with.
VALENTINE: KELLOGG! You son of a bitch!
SFX: GUN COCKED
THE BOSS: Uh uh uh…Private Dick hold it right there. Don’t make me break a promise to my mother.
KELLOGG: Tell Nora I’ll be seeing her real soon. We’ll be…modifying…some things so I get what I deserve this time around. Say your goodbyes…I didn’t make a promise to no one’s mother.
ANNOUNCER: Kellogg left the room, as the footsteps of Triggermen receded. The Boss Lombardo looked down at the kid with genuine sadness, as Charlie impotently clutched at his chest, trying to hold in the life that was ebbing away.
VALENTINE: Charlie! Hang on…don’t just stand there damn it! Help me!
VT REP: Oh god that’s a lot of blood…
VALENTINE: Rip off a piece of your shirt! We have to put pressure on it.
VT REP: Oh yeah! Sure…here.
SFX: RIPPING.
THE BOSS: When I was a kid runnin’ the streets of New York I found this puppy. Just sitting there shivering in an old shoe box. Brought it home, but Ma wasn’t too keen on it…but I put my foot down, fed him, watered him. A few weeks or two went by, he was strong, healthy. Started teaching him tricks. Came home one day and he was on the table. Shell casing next to him. I asked her why…why did she kill my dog? She said she didn’t…I did…because I got soft as he got strong.
VT REP: Man I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.
THE BOSS: I’m real sorry about this kid…really I am. For what it’s worth you’ve got guts, and a heart. All too often out here those go together like oil and water. If we get our way, I’ll see if we can fix you.
ANNOUNCER: With that, Boss Lombardo left the room, sealing the door behind him just as the impossible to miss sound of sinister electronic beeping echoed up the stairwell.
CHARLIE: (dying, bleeding out, hard to breath with collapsing lungs) I…I’m sorry Nick. Guess I messed up good this time huh?
VALENTINE: Why didn’t you tell me you got in deep? You could’ve talked to me. We could’ve figured things out.
CHARLIE: He’s going to change it Nick.
VALENTINE: Change what?
CHARLIE: Everything. You’ll see…you’ll see before everyone else will.
VALENTINE: What does that mean? (pause) Charlie? Charlie?
VT REP: Poor kid…
VALENTINE: Damn it. We’ve got to find a way out of here and fast. That sound…they’ve rigged demolition charges. They’re gonna bring the whole building down. There’s got to be…there! That terminal!
ANNOUNCER: Valentine rushed forward, pulling a long cable out of the inner recesses of his trench coat. Connecting to the terminal, in an instant he found himself into a maze of 1’s and 0’s. The network pathways were still open! Military grade decryption algorithms firing into action, firewall after firewall came down until just there…in a ghost drive hidden in plain sight on the network: Vault 47.
VALENTINE: I’ve got it! Let’s go!
VT REP: How?! The door’s jammed.
VALENTINE: Flip the table. Hurry! Rap the legs off.
VT REP: What? Why?
VALENTINE: Just do it!
SFX: FURNITURE BREAKING.
ANNOUNCER: The legs ripped from the table, Valentine firmly held it in both hands, his eyes zooming and fixing to the only possible route of escape.
VALENTINE: Get on my back.
VT REP: Pardon?
VALENTINE: My back! Come on!
VT REP: I am just having SUCH a day…
ANNOUNCER: Arms firmly clasped around Valentine’s neck, Nick back peddled to the wall, the electronic beeping below picked up by his synthetic ears reaching a crescendo.
VALENTINE: Hold tight!
ANNOUNCER: Sprinting forward toward the plate glass windows three stories up cracked and weakened but still holding back the elements, Nick held out the table like a shield. In an explosion of glass, Valentine and the former Vault-Tec Regional Representative, Agent 107 who was now screaming at the top of his lungs sailed through the air to the nearby rooftop. In an bone shuddering impact of gravel and splintering rooftop, the table broke their fall. Behind them the charges detonated one by one. The building sagged, tilted, before at last collapsing downward in a surging plume of dust, confidential papers and debris.
VALENTINE: You alright?
VT REP: NO! NO I’M NOT ALRIGHT! What I am doing is going home.
VALENTINE: Not yet you’re not. Vault 47 is only accessible to Vault-Tec employees. Care to go for one more walk?
VT REP: No!
VALENTINE: I’m not asking.
VT REP: Fine! But I’m done walking.
SFX: ELECTRONIC BEEPING.
VALENTINE: What’s that?
VT REP: Calling for a cab what’s it look like?
VALENTINE: A…a cab?
SFX: DISTORTION ENERGY.
ANNOUNCER: For a moment, the world seemed to shift as a wave of energy moved across the landscape, unseen by all but Nick’s own synthetic eyes. Eyes that were MADE and not born. Suddenly, a long Chryslus Silver Phantom limousine came careering around a corner, dodging fallen buildings, burning trashcans, but not the raider in the street waving their middle fingers who deftly bounced off the hood and into the air screaming obscenities.
SFX: CAR ROARS UP AND STOPS.
ANNOUNCER: Puzzled, Detective Valentine then remembered there had been a cab. There had always been a cab. And with that, the window rolled down.
JEFFERSON: Which one of you called for a cab? We’re gonna have to make this a quick one I’ve got 2 cannibals and a terrified Brotherhood Scout back there they’ve been making eyes at. Where you headed?
VALENTINE: Boston Harbor. How’s things Jefferson?
JEFFERSON: That you Nick? Same as always, burning rubber and chewing miles. Hop in.
VT REP: Did you say….cannibals?
SFX: GONG
ANNOUNCER: A vile villain risen from the grave! A partner seduced into betrayal, now laid low by the bullet of a vengeful gun! As Detective Valentine and the Vault-Tec Rep speed their way to Boston Harbor, we pause for an exciting message from our sponsor.
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SFX: OCEAN WAVES AT HARBOR.
ANNOUNCER: The irradiated waters of Boston Harbor sloshed against the aged and barnacle encrusted pilings. A molerat screamed somewhere in the distance, punted as the car tossed aside trashcans with aplomb. Emerging from the long shadowy car, the Vault-Tec Rep was less than pleased.
SFX: DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS.
VT REP: She ate my thumb! Did you see that! Bite it clear off!
JEFFERSON: Yeah sometimes that happens. Here. Keep a few in the glove box.
VT REP: You have a glovebox full of FINGERS?!
JEFFERSON: Keep em as collateral in case anyone stiff their fare. (pause) I’m kidding. No seriously thought don’t EVER stiff me out of a fair.
VALENTINE: You got any scratch?
VT REP: You don’t have any?
VALENTINE: I’m a synth in a trench coat, not a cap happy trader.
VT REP: (scoffs) A finger AND getting screwed out of money. Here’s your caps. And you should learn how to drive! I was getting tossed all over the backseat back there.
JEFFERSON: I’ve got some buckets and concrete in the back if you want to offload this guy Nick.
VALENTINE: (laughs) He’s joking.
JEFFERSON: Yeah I’m a real clown. HEY! SISTER YOU EAT ONE MORE SEAT CUSHION I’M GONNA COME BACK THERE WITH A FLAMETHROWER! SIT DOWN AND SPIT IT OUT! Sorry Nick. Stay frosty out here.
VALENTINE: You too Jefferson.
SFX: CAR PEELS OUT AND CRASHES DOWN THE STREET.
VT REP: That man is a MANIAC!
VALENTINE: Always…has been? Think he was anyway. Hmmm…anyway we’re here.
VT REP: There’s nothing here.
VALENTINE: Funny thing about the Pip-Boy maps of the Commonwealth is that they’re pretty detailed. Your people when they did anything did it with purpose. It always bugged me that they took the time to map out almost the entire harbor but there’s really out here. And there wasn’t. Never has been. Nora and I had some dealing with a Chinese sub right over there. On cases I’ve had to walk the bottom here before to try and bring home people who never made it home. There’s never been anything down there.
SFX: ENERGY DISTORTION WAVE.
ANNOUNCER: In an instant, something stirred beyond time and space, the sky shimmered and shifted until the entire world was suddenly, impossibly darker, muted tones of green and drab browns as the color palette of the universe had collapsed down upon itself. Valentine saw all of this as before and was about to say so, when he remembered…this was how things always were. And then he noticed something else.
VALENTINE: Look there…just underneath those pilings. An access hatch.
VT REP: Bah! So wet! There’s nothing here…it’s cold and I’m damp. I don’t know if you’re kidnapping me or what, but I want a hot bowl of soup. NOW!
VALENTINE: Quit squawking and look!
VT REP: So, it’s a hatch! It’s probably a sewar pipe.
VALENTINE: Sewer pipes don’t have a security pad and key card reader. Come on.
ANNOUNCER: Making their way down a rusty ladder, they edged their way along a rocky ledge to the mysterious panel, the unmistakable Vault-Tec symbol above the keypad.
VT REP: Oh, my shoes are getting wet.
VALENTINE: Here we go. Put your card in there.
VT REP: Where is…ah! Here it is.
SFX: CARD SWIPED.
COMPUTER: Keycode identification verification: David Dwecker, Vault-Tec Agent 107. Access verified.
VALENTINE: Your name is David Dwecker? Well, that kind of takes all the intrigue away…
COMPUTER: Please enter security access code.
VALENTINE: Huh…wants a passcode. Any ideas?
VT REP: Search me.
VALENTINE: Vault 47...5-digit code. Has to be: 747683.
SFX: BEEP. HATCH RELEASES WITH A HISS.
COMPUTER: Welcome Champion of Justice or Vault-Tec authorized personnel. Security systems deactivated. Please proceed.
VT REP: How on earth did you figure that out?
VALENTINE: Old telephone keypads were alphanumeric. Took a stab that the code was Shroud. Let’s go.
ANNOUNCER: Making their way down a dimly lit tunnel, panels of light illuminating ahead of them with each step, flickering light danced on the tunnel wall as they walked past massive, reinforced windows flanked by art deco columns.
VT REP: Oh, my giddy aunt…
VALENTINE: You said it. How did I miss this?
ANNOUNCER: A massive concrete domed facility rose just outside the window, shrouded in seaweed and the wrecks of centuries of boats of the once industrious harbor at least succumbing to the waves above.
VALENTINE: Come on.
ANNOUNCER: They at last emerged into a dark, echoing cavern, its ceiling so high it was nothing but a dark void. Ahead, an eerie blue light beckoned them forward. Before them was a sight Valentine knew all too well, when Nora had returned to where this all began: a cryogenic pod.
VT REP: Cryogenics?! Just like Vault 111!
VALENTINE: Two pods here…one of them empty. Let’s take a look here at the terminal.
SFX: KEYBOARD.
VALENTINE: Looks like a relay shorted and activated an emergency protocol on this one over here…2 years ago. Same day Father sent the signal to Vault 111 and let Nora out. Strange…
VT REP: There’s someone still in here! Should we let them out?
VALENTINE: Magnolia sent us here for a reason. If there’s one thing I know, it’s trust a siren.
SFX: KEYBOARD TYPING.
COMPUTER: Initiating cryogenic storage release protocols. Resuscitation process initiated. Vitals, non-responsive. Initiating phase two resuscitating. Vitals…nominal. Activating servos, please move all personnel to thermal safe zone.
VALENTINE: Stand back…we’re about to get a kiss of the arctic.
SFX: HISSING. POD OPENS.
VT REP: Who is that?
ANNOUNCER: The air shifted around them as the universe groaned under the weight of something waking, clawing its way to the surface. Valentine had forgotten, but then he remembered.
VALENTINE: That’s…it can’t be…
SHROUD: (freezing, out of it) I have…returned to you…the time has come for justice…for hope…death will come for all evil doers…and I am it’s shroud!
VALENTINE: How on earth did you get down here?
SHROUD: Jefferson!
VALENTINE: Jefferson? The cab driver?
SHROUD: No! Jefferson Shaw, the Pewter Parka my plucky assistant, being trained as an instrument of justice! EGADS! Some cryogenic cad has absconded with my companion! CURSE YOU THE HUNGRY ATOM!
VT REP: I’m very confused…Vault-Tec build this vault for you and your assistant?
SHROUD: Built? NO! I bought it! By night I am the instrument of vengeance in a city corrupted by crime, by day I am multi-zillionaire Seth Shadwell!
VT REP: Seth Shadwell! Of course! I’ve heard of you. You made your fortune...
SHROUD: Promoting bottle cap currency as the currency of tomorrow! How did we do?
VALENTINE: You cleaned up. Look you’ve been on ice for a few years.
SHROUD: The date! I must have the date my good man!
VT REP: It’s 2287.
SHROUD: IMPOSSIBLE! I have overslept! Come! There is work to be done! Computer!
COMPUTER: Good evening, Champion of Justice.
SHROUD: Activate the Scales of Justice!
VALENTINE: Scales of Justice?
SHROUD: In times of vile villainy and devilish deeds, my network of satellites correlates police reports, canvases crime centers, tracks known delinquents to maintain the homeostasis…
VT REP: Of justice?
SHROUD: Exactly my yellow coated…. (trails off) Not to be rude by scab faced fellow but just what sort of skin condition had disrupted your dermis?
VT REP: I’m a ghoul.
SHROUD: Don’t be too hard on yourself. There was a time when Zillionaire Seth Shadwell was a wolf of the old world.
COMPUTER: Assessment complete. Scales indicate: potato.
SHROUD: Potato?
COMPUTER: Shoelace unicorn….
VALENTINE: Same words Hancock uttered after smoking a tire that one time.
COMPUTER: Exclamation point justice. Angry face emoji.
SHROUD: No…no it can’t be! There is so much EVIL in our once proud city and nation that it has SHATTERED the algorithm of justice! I…I cannot kill that many people. Not in a day…not even in a lifetime.
VALENTINE: Yeah, look buddy if you need a target, we’ve got the end game boss that we could use a hand with.
SHROUD: Who?! Point me towards the foe and I shall introduce him to my Silver Tommy gun!
VALENTINE: We’re gonna need more than just a gun. What can you tell us about the Mechanist.
SHROUD: Did you say the…MECHANIST?
COMPUTER: Codename keyword detected: Mechanist. Activating maximum defenses.
SFX: POWER SURGES.
VALENTINE: What’s happening?
SHROUD: The Mechanist was the deadliest foe I ever encountered! If he has returned from beyond the grave our situation is dire dear friends. He must not reach full power and amass his robot army of terror!
COMPUTER: Attention: please stand by. Ascension in progress.
ANNOUNCER: Ancient gears surging with power, Vault 47, the new headquarters of the Silver Shroud and the Champion of Justice broke the surface of Boston Harbor for the very first time! With a grinding of metal and concrete, the doom opened at last to world above, the sea air rushing into the dank interior.
SHROUD: Quickly! We must find Jefferson! To the Silver Phantom!
VT REP: Silver Phantom? Isn’t that….?
VALENTINE: He’s not going to be thrilled when he sees what his wonder boy has done to his wheels.
SHROUD: What in the name of justice! Someone has walked off with my wheels!
VALENTINE: I’ll save you some time. Come on, we need to meet up with the calvary and fill you in on a few things.
ANNOUNCER: Crossing a now dripping barnacle encrusted catwalk back to the pier, Valentine gestured for the Vault-Tec Rep to call for a cab. Moments later, a crowd of raiders ran terrified down the street being pursued by that terrifying maniacal limousine on a mission. In a screeching of tires, it fishtailed into a storefront, coming to a dramatic stop.
SFX: SQUEELING TIRES AND CRASH.
JEFFERSON: Someone need a cab?
SHROUD: Jefferson?!
JEFFERSON: Well shit.
SHROUD: Jefferson what have you DONE to the Chariot of Justice?!
JEFFERSON: Making a living out here the best I can. What’s it look like?
SHROUD: For how long have you been serving as…a CAB with my car?!
JEFFERSON: Couple years since YOUR fancy ass COMPUTER of JUSTICE crapped out and spit me out. And then informed me that as YOUR assistant I had restricted access to the computer. I could play a round of Nuka Tapper couldn’t so much as turn on the TV much less wake you up you Silver jackass!
SHROUD: How dare you talk like that to me!
VT REP: You know what I’ll walk.
VALENTINE: Thanks for your help.
VT REP: Please leave me alone. Now. Tomorrow. Whenever.
VALENTINE: Look I imagine you two have a lot of ground to cover, but we need to get back to Diamond City fast. The Mechanist has the…
ANNOUNCER: The sky once again distorted, in a flash of blinding light the clouds parted as the stars didn’t just come out but vomited forth from a void, as if the universe itself somehow sick was having a violent reaction to unknown forces.
SHROUD: What in the name of all that is holy!
VALENTINE: You can see that?
JEFFERSON: See what?
SHROUD: It’s as if the very heavens themselves as being torn apart! What unholy force is tampering with the very universe itself!
VALENTINE: But you can see that?!
ANNOUNCER: Detective Nick Valentine and the Silver Shroud watch in awestruck horror as day turned to night and an ear-splitting sound, as if all the people of Earth were crying out at once in an old, old tongue chanted the name of something unspeakable. The ground transformed, the buildings melted away and with a sickening jolt, space and time twisted back into place. Nick Valentine remembered what he’d seen before and then he forgot. Standing on a beach, a body in a radiation suit before them, face down in the sand, Nora stood holding herself with tears in her eyes while Danse knelt in the sand inspecting the body.
NORA: …god damn it. He’s been dead for at least a day. I can’t believe it…
DANSE: Sorry…little dizzy. (Shakes head) Nora, we’ll find who did this. What do you think Valentine? Based on tides and currents that would put him near… (notices him looking out of it) Valentine?
VALENTINE: (confused) Ah…yeah. Fine. Just a little. I’m fine. He would’ve been dumped in Southie. I’m starting to wonder if that dirty bomb wasn’t just a cult sacrifice, but insurance.
NORA: Insurance for what?
VALENTINE: To operate in plain sight. You’re gonna need some heavy-duty rad suits or hope that the Shroud’s limo is lead lined. When he and Hancock get back from dealing with Boss Lombardo and Mad Ma, we’re heading down there to end this or at least get some answers.
ANNOUNCER: At the far end of the beach a cry rang out.
DAISY: No! Nick! Nicky tell me it’s not him! (crying) Macready!
ANNOUNCER: Danse gently turned over their fallen friend, gazing at the single bullet hole that went right through the radiation suit and his heart.
VALENTINE: I’m sorry Daisy.
DAISY: (crying) I told him. You stupid smug bastard! I told you you’d get yourself killed!
VALENTINE: Doing what?
DAISY: He’s been doing jobs with this new player in town.
DANSE: Boss Lombardo?
DAISY: No…someone else. Called himself the Duke. He had been working out of Southie before the blast. Here.
ANNOUNCER: Daisy pulled a chain and pouch from around her neck and beneath her shirt. Opening it, the dim glowing light of a holotape blinked up at them.
DAISY: He left this me before heading out the other night. Made me promise to keep it close no matter what and if anything happened, you’d know what to do. I…I’m gonna head back. Need to get word to his kid.
NORA: Thanks Daisy.
DANSE: I’ll walk you back Daisy. Nick, I’ll round up some of Hancock’s boys to come get him.
NORA: The Red Rocket. Our first home really…he always said it’s where for the first time in a long time he’d felt like home.
DANSE: Do you want me to...?
NORA: I can’t go back there Danse. Not yet.
DANSE: It’s okay, I’ll take care of it.
VALENTINE: (sighs) Wish you would’ve asked for help kid.
SFX: PIPBOY HOLOTAPE LOADED IN
MACREADY: Hey hey Private Dick. Now I know I’m probably the last person in the universe you’d be expecting to hear from again but hear me out because this involves all of us…uhh…even me! And I’m kind of fond of me. I mean…look at me. You? I’m hoping you haven’t been turned into a toaster yet by those tin can troopers. Listen, I’ve been doing some…let’s say “work” …for some new player in town. Calls himself The Duke and honestly after I made a crack about his name and he decked me one, this guy means business. The pay was good, but the jobs were…weird. I’m talking guarding caravans of materials arriving by boat at midnight, tailing people, picking my way into tombs, bustin’ into Cabot House kind of weird. Here's where things get personal. One night I overhear him talking to someone, real loon by the sound of him…but his voice. Man…his voice sent a chill right up my spine. Something about it was wrong. They were planning something big down in Southie, the Duke mentions you by name and this other guy keeps asking questions about Nora, Danse and some others. Mentioned something about having me where they can see me. Didn’t hear anything more as Duke headed back downstairs, but last thing he mentioned was the Pawn on the Kingfisher at 4. No idea what in the hell that means, but passing this along. I’m gonna tail the boss tonight to see what’s up and dropping this off with Daisy today just in case…well just in case I cash in my caps. Make sure people drink at my funeral, okay? (Laughs and then fades away) Seriously though Valentine, everything we did for this place, everything we fought for…you helping Nora. I honestly never thought you’d help her find her kid. Well, I say kid when what you brought her home to was a sociopath science daddy in slacks…good job on that by the way! Anyway, I know you’ve always looked at me as some trigger-happy merc that would do anything for caps, but I want you to know you’re one hell of a detective. Wish we had someone like you back in the Capital Wasteland to work things out when my boy got sick. Cure worked by the way. Saved up enough to leave all this behind and be the Dad he thinks I am, just one more job…because I owe it all to Nora, to you…everyone.
NORA: (crying) His son, he can’t be alone up there.
VALENTINE: When this is over, he won’t be.
NORA: (collecting herself) Pawn on the Kingfisher at 4?
VALENTINE: Mechanist is playing a game. With all of us. Pawn is a piece on the board, but more than that…it’s the lowest chain on the link.
NORA: But 4 what? And what’s a Kingfisher?
VALENTINE: (chuckles) In Southie only place it could be. Four Leaf Fishpacking Plant close to the water. Someone’s sailing in….and if we’re in luck, they’re not here yet.
SFX: GONG
ANNOUNCER: Something is tampering with the fabric of the universe dear friends! A clue from Macready, the Silver Shroud alive and well in the City of Boston!
**INSERT AD BREAK #7: FANCY LADS SNACK CAKES!**
JAMES: Day in, day out…clock in, clock out. And what’s for lunch? Tuna fish on rye again. I wish I had something to liven up my lunch date.
MATT: Please make way for his Royal Highness! King Alex!
ALEX: Thank you! Thank you. No please! Stay seated….we are just here to partake in our lunch with you, the little people who make RobCo what it is!
JAMES: Alex? What happened to you!
MATT: It’s his lunch. Changed everything.
ALEX: Tis true…once I was but a peasant, but then truly I found sovereignty in a snack!
JAMES: A snack?
ALEX: Why yes, my good man! Here, share in our bounty.
JAMES: A small, frosted cake? (chews) Oh my! It’s a delight in every bite!
ALEX: Indeed, indeed!
MATT: It’s packed with energizing sugars and sweeteners that will keep it frosted and delicious forever!
ALEX: Tis tooth achingly sweet.
KEYTHE: You’re no peasant - for dessert you want a present! Fancy Lad Snack Cakes! So delicious and fancy, you’ll want to eat them with your pinky out! Fancy Lads Snack Cakes - for discerning palates only!
ANNOUNCER: While our friends mourn another fallen comrade, the Silver Shroud and Hancock speed to Ruffino’s in the North End, the stronghold of the newly crowned leader of the Triggermen Boss Lombardo and Mad Ma Lombardo.
SHROUD: FASTER! MY LEAD FOOTED LACKEY!
JEFFERSON: Yeah, yeah.
HANCOCK: Man, this is one swanky ride Shroud.
SHROUD: That’s SILVER Shroud! And it is, isn’t it? A complete mobile arsenal, crime lab and cocktail bar at your disposal.
HANCOCK: Gwinnet Ale! And it’s cold! Nice!
JEFFERSON: There’s a bottle opener in the door pocket.
HANCOCK: Ha ha! Nice! Hey, how much would you sell this thing for?
SHROUD: The Silver Phantom of Justice is NOT for sale! And get out of my collectible beer stash!
JEFFERSON: Silver Shroud back there likes his highballs. You get enough in him, he breaks character, cries for an hour that he wasn’t hugged enough as a kid and then pretends he’s a tentacle monster from another dimension that’s really into books. Like….REALLY into books.
SHROUD: I do not!
JEFFERSON: Okay tough guy.
SHROUD: You took a wrong turn.
JEFFERSON: I’m heading up Beacon!
SHROUD: At this time of day?! Are you mad!
SFX: BEEPING.
JEFFERSON: Oop! That’s me.
SHROUD: What are you doing?
JEFFERSON: Someone called for a cab.
SHROUD: A cab?! We are on the trail of merciless killers and an evil plot to unravel the Commonwealth and reality itself!
JEFFERSON: Hey pal if you want to pony up with my backpay I’ll leave the old bag at the sidewalk.
SHROUD: Superheroes and protectors of the innocent do not trifle over such common things as money! We fight for JUSTICE! Because it’s right!
JEFFERSON: Says the zillionaire. With inflation you owe me 1.5 million caps.
HANCOCK: (whistles) Hope your bank’s good on the exchange there Mister Justice. Driver done broke the bank at Monte Carlo!
SHROUD: (grumbles) I…why you…oh slow down…she’s elderly and likely to be started. (mumbles) Show you some justice…uppity upstart.
ANNOUNCER: The long silver car slows to a halt and a hunched elderly lady smiles, holding a bag of recently scavaged groceries from the red front ruins of a quiet neighborhood. Climbing into the front seat, cane in hand, she smiles sweetly.
FISHLIPS: (impersonating charming old lady) Oh thank you sonny. Phew! So much walking today.
JEFFERSON: Where we headed Grandma?
FISHLIPS: Oh, you know the little Italian bakery?
JEFFERSON: The bombed out one with the murder bots guarding some comic books and a bottle cap stash?
FISHLIPS: Oh yes! That’s the one. I live in a dumpster just round back.
JEFFERSON: Meter on! On our way to grandma’s house!
SFX: TIRES PEEL OUT.
HANCOCK: (drinking) Salt of the Earth that one! Man, what proof is this?
SHROUD: Pardon me madam but have you seen any vile villainy afoot in this neighborhood? It is positively BIBLICAL the level of destruction that has happened to the once safe streets of our fair city.
FISHLIPS: Well things have been tough for you since the Griphook Gang got eaten by the Mirelurks back in ’89.
SHROUD: What on EARTH is a Mirelurk?
HANCOCK: You know lobsters?
SHROUD: An iconic Bostonian tradition served with a swimming bath of butter, lemon and JUSTICE!
HANCOCK: Yeah, these aren’t those.
FISHLIPS: Lovely car you have here sonny.
JEFFERSON & SHROUD: Thank you.
SHROUD: (angry) THIS is MY car!
FISHLIPS: Where are you all headed in such a hurry?
SHROUD: There is a shroud of secrecy of our mission my good woman! But fear not, tonight we act to shield the innocent and elderly such as yourself from evil.
JEFFERSON: You….uhhh…that’s one hairy knee.
SHROUD: JEFFERSON! Completely uncalled for! Rule 47 in the Silver Shroud companion doctrine dictates that we do judge appearances, merely deeds.
FISHLIPS: (laughing breaking character) YEAH SONNY! I GOT A REAL HAIRY EVERYTHING! YOU SHOULD SEE MY BACK!
ANNOUNCER: No one wanted to see the back. You don’t want to see the back. With a flourish and a flare, a plasma pistol was whipped out of the shopping bag and the hat and wig tore away to reveal…
SHROUD: FISHLIPS Malone! The master of disguise! I should’ve known!
JEFFERSON: I mean I did, but what the hell do I know, I’m just the driver.
FISHLIPS: Welcome back to Boston Silver Shmuck! (licking lips) Yeah, yeah! It’s gonna be curtains for all of you! We’ve got a new boss in town! Big plans! And sadly, you’re not on them!
HANCOCK: (out of it) What the hell happened to her lips!?
ANNOUNCER: Yes indeed, Fishlips Malone, once a bookie for the Malone crime family when accidental exposure to mutated jellyfish goo in salmon pate transformed him into a ghoulish abomination! Lips of illusion that when puckered, added to even the most clever disguise!
SHROUD: (chuckles) Foolish foe! We are in the Silver Phantom of justice. Though we may be on YOUR turf, you have walked into the most perfect trap ever conceived. Computer! Activate Passenger Side Passive Aggressive Restraint!
COMPUTER: Attention: activating Passenger Side Passive Aggressive Restraint. Error. Unit depleted.
SHROUD: What on Earth?!
JEFFERSON: Yeah sorry. Used up the power pack trucking around the Minutemen.
FISHLIPS: Enough of this! GIMME THAT WHEEL!
SFX: SKIDDING.
JEFFERSON: Let go you fishlipped weirdo!
SHROUD: I kick you with the feet of justice!
ANNOUNCER: As Jefferson wrestled with the wheel and the Shroud used ancient Tibetan ass kicking technique, the car careened dangerously down the street, at last smashing into a building, the passenger side door popping open.
JEFFERSON: GET! OUT! OF! THE CAR!
ANNOUNCER: With a final kick, Fishlips Malone tumbled free of the car, rolling down the sidewalk before coming to a stop.
FISHLIPS: (moaning) You’ve bested me this time Silver Shroud! But when next we meet…
ANNOUNCER: Taillights coming on only briefly, the car accelerated backward flattening his puckered lips for the last. The Silver Shroud straightened his ascot and poured himself a high ball.
SHROUD: Nicely done Jefferson.
JEFFERSON: Yeah, I know.
ANNOUNCER: And with that the car was off. Night descended and as the lights came on at Ruffino’s, the who’s who of the Commonwealth underground started filing into the bar and restaurant. In a side alley observing the arrivals, the Silver Phantom sat in shadow.
JEFFERSON: I forgot how much your brand of justice is just sitting in a parked car polishing your guns so you can plan your perfect entrance only to just go on a shooting spree.
SHROUD: Silence Jefferson and observe!
HANCOCK: Man, everyone is here! That’s Marowski, Eager Earnie, One Eyed Sam…the Nadine Triplets…Alice “Yak Woman” McGee…man they never, and I mean never get together like this. Something big is going down tonight.
SHROUD: Yes, indeed by flesh-peeling friend. The shroud of death is descending upon the streets of the North End tonight and her streets will be bathed in the blood of these fiends.
HANCOCK: Man, I have never seen anyone who needs to be laid more than you do.
JEFFERSON: Finally, someone else says it.
HANCOCK: Right?
SHROUD: Come Hancock! We shall make our way inside.
HANCOCK You wanna go in through the back door?
SHROUD: The Silver Shroud will be going in through the front door! Jefferson…
JEFFERSON: Yeah, I know wait with the car.
SHROUD: Good lad! Some thing never change. JUSTICE NEVER SLEEPS!
JEFFERSON: Jackass.
ANNOUNCER: Gathering weapons and concealing them beneath a silvery trench coat and a 16th century dressing gown, the Silver Shroud and John Hancock marched inside the smokey interior, assaulted by music and the sound of clinking glasses and clattering silverware. Guards immediately trained guns on them.
BLACK ROSE: Well, well, well. Put the heat away boys, these fellas just walked in from a dream.
SHROUD: TEMPT ME NOT Vile Villainess of…
BLACK ROSE: Mayor John Hancock…in my place! Come here sugar, we’ve had a VIP booth for you since we opened up.
HANCOCK: Well, hey…what can I say?
SHROUD: Don’t you know who I am?
BLACK ROSE: Meh…you’re the Silver Shroud. My name is the Black Rose, consider me your hostess. Come on with me sugar, we’ll get you all hooked up. We’ve got the finest of everything here. And what we don’t have…we can get.
SHROUD: Unbelievable!
ANNOUNCER: Our heroes were led to a quiet table in an enclave of the brilliantly furnished bar and restaurant. A band played lively as the who’s who of racketeering, kidnapping, raiding and murder smiled, dance and ate. The Black Rose sat with them, dangerously close to Mayor Hancock.
HANCOCK: So uhh…what’s the occasion? Anyway? Not every day we see a gathering like this.
BLACK ROSE: Let’s just say it’s an anniversary party. The Boss and Ma have been working on something big for a while.
HANCOCK: And what would it take for you to tell me?
BLACK ROSE: More than a night and more caps than you have sugar.
SHROUD: Pardon me, but I’ve been told my square jaw and steely gaze are considered by most if not many as being traditionally handsome. Would you tell me?
BLACK ROSE: You’re not my type pops.
SHROUD: Did you…just call me….POPS!
HANCOCK: (whispers) Get your hand off the trigger you idiot. You open fire in here and we’ll be riddled with so many bullets Valentine will need to put us back together with tweezers.
BLACK ROSE: Your friend is a little cranky. I heard all your radio shows.
SHROUD: Oh really! Which was your favorite?
BLACK ROSE: Don’t remember. I was 6 or 7.
SHROUD: Oh…
SFX: MUSIC CUTS OUT.
BLACK ROSE: If you’ll excuse me fellas, I’ll have some drinks sent over. On the house.
ANNOUNCER: A spotlight illuminated the stage as the curtains slowly pulled back. In a clean and starched tuxedo, Boss Lombardo strode forward with Mad Ma seated on a throne just behind him. On the corner of the stage a statue of Magnolia looked out at the audience. As Hancock looked closer, to his horror he realized that it wasn’t a statue, but Magnolia herself, turned to solid stone, but with still living eyes!
THE BOSS: Hey give it up for our house band! Nicely done there on the key changes Billie!
SFX: APPLAUSE.
THE BOSS: Ma blew off a few fingers when he started playing Johnny Guitar.
MAD MA: Not in my house…
SFX: LAUGHTER.
THE BOSS: You don’t know me and those of you who do remember, remember a kid doing little jobs for little kids. The orphanage fire, that time I dropped poison in the water supply at Revere Beach. When I sold my gang to slavers passing through on their way to D.C. Hey sorry about your kids Ernie!
SFX: LAUGHTER.
ANNOUNCER: A familiar figure slides into their booth, dragging on a cigar, circuitry blinking on the side of a ruined face.
KELLOGG: Mind if I take a seat?
HANCOCK: (aggressive) It’s a little tight in here. Maybe you sit somewhere else Kellogg.
SHROUD: My friend smoking is a filthy habit. Some say they’ll be the death of you.
KELLOGG: And yet here I am, still kickin’.
SHROUD: Sometimes even death needs a hand.
KELLOGG: (chuckles) You know I had a Silver Shroud action figure when I was a kid. Always dreamed of meeting you.
SHROUD: I hope I meet your expectations.
KELLOGG: Honestly thought you’d be taller.
SHROUD: I get that a lot. They say obsessive with size is the size of a very particular disorder.
HANCOCK: Can I get out of the booth please before you two riddle each other with bullets.
KELLOGG: Nah it’s all good John. For people like us this is just friendly shittalk. (puffs on cigar) Yeah loved that action figure. You used to be just that to me, and now here you are. In the flesh…you’re welcome.
SHROUD: It might be the cloud of cigar smoke you’re puffing in my face, but you’re being very unclear.
KELLOGG: You’ll see soon enough. Meanwhile, we’re being rude…this is a big night for us.
THE BOSS: But that was the past. I want to talk about…the future. For too long we’ve been on a rat wheel boys. Runnin’ round and round. You kill one of them, they kill two of us, we kill one of you’s, you kill one of ours. And who is making out in the end? Everybody else. They push forward and we pull back. Brotherhood, Minutemen, and some uppity broad from 200 years ago who just shows up one day and decides to tell us how things should be.
SFX: CLAPPING.
THE BOSS: Back in the old country, way, way back when we wanted to know what the fates had in store for us, we’d visit the oracles and they look beyond the veil or smoke some leaves or whatever bullshit they need to figure out where we fit in. Right? Into the grand scheme of things. And that’s what we’re talking about here. Scheme. Someone’s idea of how things should be. Thing is, it’s not about some high and mighty Sole Survivor and even a John Hancock, a drug addict, flesh picked ghoul who had no skin of his own, so he put on the GUISE of another.
HANCOCK: Hey FUCK YOU MAN!
THE BOSS: (laughing) Our guest of honor ladies and gentlemen!
MAD MA: The Silver Shroud. Terrible way for a guest to act. SIT DOWN or our guests might get a little anxious. Wrap it up Carmen.
THE BOSS: (under breath) Let me have my MOMENT Ma!
HANCOCK: (laughs) Ah ha ha! Momma’s boy. That’s adorable
SHROUD: ENOUGH of the exposition and peacock plumage BOSS LOMBARDO! You all know me! You’ve known my name burned in the fires of the old world and what I stand for. Your time and choke hold on this city is over!
THE BOSS: See folks? This is what I’m talking about. Someone else’s rules. Someone else’s rules. I say, fuck the rules.
SFX: CHEERING.
THE BOSS: A good friend of mine, the Mechanist, or as his friends call him…The Duke, right now is moving to change things. Little things at first, but soon everything we ever failed at will be a win. He’s been kind enough to arrange a little demonstration tonight with someone who has a big mouth and not a lot of respect. Boys! Bring out our RAT!
SFX: LAUGHING. CHEERING.
ANNOUNCER: Wheeled out from backstage and strapped to a dolly, a rat faced man with glasses and three arms was rambling and begging for his life.
LOUIE: I’m telling yah Boss! Ma! I didn’t tell nobody nothin! Nothin I tell yah! That caravan guard tricked me! Yeah that’s it! Pumped me full of something. No idea! No idea what I was sayin! MA! Come on Ma! It’s me! Louie! I do your hair Ma!
THE BOSS: You want this one Ma?
MAD MA: They say a girl with secrets keeps them in two places. Her heart and her hairdresser.
SFX: LAUGHTER.
MAD MA: Louie here ladies gives just about the best beehive permanent this side of the Appalachians. Louie and I had a trust. Louie the RAT broke that trust didn’t you Louie?
LOUIE: It was an accident Ma! Just slipped out playin’ cards! I snorted Mentats and Buffout! I dunno what happened!
MAD MA: And because Louie has a fat mouth about a certain crown, he caused us all sorts of trouble with our good friend. So, Louie gets a little treat.
LOUIE: No! No please!
THE BOSS: Friends, tonight you are going to get a taste of what we’re cookin’. Beneath all of us and somewhere else has been and always be a Creation Engine. Every choice you make, action you take, guided by this cosmic doohickey. Some worshipped it as a god. Me? I look at it like anything else. A mark. Speaking of….get set….GO!
LOUIE: Oh God please! No! Someone help me! Don’t just sit there!
SFX: LAUGHTER.
SFX: ENERGY.
ANNOUNCER: Before their very eyes, Louie the Rat, former best beehive hairdresser east of the Appalachians was enveloped in a strange aura of energy, his features distorted, changed shape, his clothes becoming clean, then dirty again. His hairstyle transformed from long to short to buzzcut, his eyes became smaller, larger and suddenly cartoonish. Then suddenly and at last he transformed into a giant screaming molerat.
THE BOSS: Give it up for Louie the Rat! Good night Louie.
SFX: GUNSHOT.
SHROUD: NOW’S OUR CHANCE! TASTE MY GAS CANISTERS OF JUSTICE!
SFX: GAS CANISTERS
THE BOSS: Shoot them! Shoot them!
SFX: GUNSHOTS.
SHROUD: Stay low to the ground my crusty companion!
HANCOCK: If you call me one more derogatory term I am going to lose my shit.
SHROUD: In the confusion and crossfire they’ll take each other out. The BOSS is mine!
THE BOSS: Turn up the ventilation ma! There! There’s the son of a bitch!
SHROUD: Death has come for you evil doer! And I am it’s Shroud!
ANNOUNCER: As the Silver Shroud took aim at Boss Lombardo an energy field enveloped his weapon. Growing warm to the touch in a horrifying instant it was replaced by a corgi?!
SFX: BARKING.
SHROUD: What kind of WITCHCRAFT IS THIS?!
HANCOCK: That’s impossible…
THE BOSS: You folks want to see more?! HOW ABOUT THIS!
ANNOUNCER: The room rippled and shimmered and as the Shroud watched in horror, Hancock’s color faded away as he was slowly turned to stone.
MAD MA: A John Hancock statue of my very own…
SHROUD: HANCOCK! I SWEAR in the name of innocence that you will PAY for your crimes!
THE BOSS: What do you think Ma? Room in that garden for a Silver Shroud figure?
KELLOGG: Only if I can take pot shots at it to slowly chip away the face. Therapy’s expensive these days…
ANNOUNCER: Surrounded, outgunned and with dark forces whispering all around him…the Shroud for the first time felt true fear. Suddenly…
SFX: CAR HORN. SCREECHING TIRES EXPLOSION OF GLASS AND DEBRIS.
ANNOUNCER: The Silver Phantom tore through the front of the building, machine guns blazing.
JEFFERSON: Someone call for a cab! (laughs)
SHROUD: JEFFERSON! GOOD WORK! We must withdraw! Back to Diamond City! With haste!
THE BOSS: SHOOT THEM! SHOOT THEM DAMN IT!
SHROUD: Mark my words Boss Lombardo! The next stone you see, you will be looking up at from 6 feet under! Death will come for you evil-doer for…
KELLOGG: …for I am its shroud…blah blah blah.
SHROUD: Oh fuck off the lot of you. DRIVE JEFFERSON!
SFX: SCREECHING TIRES.
BLACK ROSE: Thanks for choosing Ruffino’s for your authentic Italian dining experience in Boston’s historic North End!
SFX: SLAP
THE BOSS: Ah jeez Ma! What the hell!
MAD MA: You let them get away!
THE BOSS: You had a MACHINE GUN ma and a one eyed 5 year old has better aim! You took out half our crew!
MAD MA: BAH! They are expendable. Pack up. Bring the book…the ship sails soon. The pawn has arrived.
SFX: GONG
ANNOUNCER: A thrilling shoot out! And what horrific powers has the Mechanist summoned?! As the Silver Shroud and Jefferson retreat back to Diamond City to meet up with the rest. We pause for a brief commercial break from our sponsor.
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ANNOUNCER: What? What’s that? Read this? Okay sure. (clears throat) Diamond City Radio apologizes to the residents of Diamond City for a Giddyup Buttercup ad you just heard written by Travis “Lonely-Man” Miles who while newly confident is his duties as radio DJ, is still salty about his rejection by Scarlett, waitress at the Dugout Inn who amongst other things collects antique toys. That good? Okay yeah. (clear throats) After a rendezvous at Diamond City and receiving word that the transformed Hancock had been taken with the Lombardos to the irradiated South Boston, The Silver Shroud, Detective Valentine, Danse, and Nora discovered a ship docked at the Four Leaf Fishpacking plant. Deftly making their way inside they are now crouched in hiding as a wizened old man in a wheelchair argues with the Lombardos.
BLACKHALL: FOOLS! You could’ve damaged the crown permanently with your bumbling!
MAD MA: You can’t just roll on in here you old fart and start bossing US around. If not for us your cult would be cooked and you never would’ve gotten your hands on the crown OR unleashed the Mechanist!
BLACKHALL: My family has been working towards this very moment for CENTURIES. Your feelings madam, are so infinitesimally small in comparison to the cosmic forces I shall be summoning this evening. GUARDS! Set sail for Spectacle Island.
THE BOSS: Spectacle Island?
BLACKHALL: I did a stint off Broadway, but I do still love a little bit of theatrics. Tonight…we shall indeed create a spectacle the likes of which the city of Boston has never seen before!
ANNOUNCER: With a roar of jet pack fire and flapping wings, the Mechanist soared through the cargo hatch and landed with a clank.
NORA: There’s the bastard.
VALENTINE: Whatever they’re cooking it up. It’s not good. We need to get our hands on that crown.
SHROUD: I have brought ample clouds of disorienting gas or hallucinogenic gas friends! Fear not. We’ll make short work of them.
MECHANIST: PREPARATIONS AT THE ISLAND ARE COMPLETE. DO YOU REMEMBER THE RITUAL? THE STEPS MUST BE PRECISE OR ALL OF THIS WILL END IN RUIN.
BLACKHALL: Don’t coddle me your armored cliché! My ancestors WROTE the damn book. Here…the Krivbeknah! The compendium of forbidden knowledge from the madmen of the ancient world! With this staff forged, the universe is ours to command, the Engine of Creation answering OUR call! With it, we shall live outside causality itself! Able to reshape this world to anything we wish it to be.
DANSE: How is that even possible?
HANCOCK: I drank a gallon of gasoline once and had tea with God. I’m pretty sure if you’re loony enough you can dream anything up. There’s no way.
SHROUD: No my friends…I’ve had dealings with wielders of the arcane arts, Doctor Satan and his White Worms of Qual’Tek! My most deadly encounter.
BLACKHALL: The process and ritual is simple. The eye of a True Believer.
VALENTINE: Kent Connolly…
BLACKHALL: The eye of a True Seer.
NORA: Mama Murphy!
BLACKHALL: Anointed and affixed to the top of a staff of purest heartwood. But not just any wood. The branch of the Twice Born Tree. Look…over here.
VALENTINE: What the hell is that thing.
THE BOSS: What the hell is THAT thing.
HANCOCK: Ha ha…jinx.
DANSE: Shhhh!
BLACKHALL: I procured it under mysterious circumstances from the Capital Wasteland. But I am told its name once was Harold, twice born when he became a living tree. The rod is then immersed in the Tears of Ages End.
THE BOSS: Courtesy of our synth allies in the Cult of Atom. You’ve got barrels of the stuff to work with.
BLACKHALL: One will suffice. And the final ingredient we’ll have soon enough if all goes according to plan.
MECHANIST: EXCELLENT. DO YOU THINK OUR FRIENDS UNDERSTAND NOW THE REALITY OF THE FORCES THEY ARE DEALING WITH?
VALENTINE: The jig is up! Go! Go!
SHROUD: Eat my canisters of hallucinating pain!
SFX: CANISTERS ROLL.
ANNOUNCER: The Mechanist flapped his wings rapidly, hurling the canisters to the far end of the deck, dissipating the gasses. As our heroes ran down the catwalk, they were cut off by a dark aura enveloping the stairwell. From it, with eyes as black as night Obediah Blackhall, the arcane tome in hand whispering softly emerged, suspended in the air.
BLACKHALL: Leaving so soon friends? I insist you stay. In point of fact…let’s keep you where we can see you.
ANNOUNCER: Before any of them could act, color faded from their forms, as they were turned to stone, their eyes darting wildly, still alive, seeing and aware.
MECHANIST: YOUR POWER OVER THE BOOK GROWS OLD MAN.
BLACKHALL: But the crown will not answer to me. In the end you must wear it for this to be complete.
MECHANIST: SO IT SHALL BE.
ANNOUNCER: Thoughts raising their heads but with no mouths to speak, ears to hear or movement to make they watched through the portholes of the aging ship as Spectacle Island appeared in the mists. One by one they were offloaded, wheeled far into the island to the flickering fires of a circle of power, runes littering the stone floor and walls deposited near the still stone Hancock. Chanting rose high from the assembled masses. Triggermen, synths, all the enemies of light and goodness, gathered to call something old forth. As the ritual began, the staff took shape. Blackhall speaking a dead language from beyond time itself. The Mechanist, wearing the Crown, compelling the binding ritual. As Blackhall, enthralled by the book grew weaker with the exertion, the color began to return to our heroes. Distracted by the concentration, the stone faded away.
SHROUD: ….HAS COME FOR YOU EVIL DOERS AND I AM ITS SHROUD!
BLACKHALL: I cannot contain them and complete…the ritual! DO SOMETHING!
MECHANIST: SEIZE THEM!
DANSE: Get off me!
HANCOCK: Hey! This robot is getting a little handsy if you know what I mean! (pause) I didn’t say you could stop.
SHROUD: Shoot it Nora! Shoot the staff! He can’t complete the ritual! IN JUSTICE’S NAME SHOOT!
SFX: GUNSHOT.
SFX: MYSTERIOUS STRANGER CHORDS.
SHROUD: What in the name of Justice in that?!
VALENTINE: The Mysterious Stranger!
MECHANIST: THERE! AS FORETOLD!
ANNOUNCER: The crown on the Mechanist’s head flared to light, tendrils of energy and raw telekinetic force ensnares the Mysterious Stranger, the entity unbound by time and space that comes to a heroes call to kill or to save! Mysterious Magnum falling from his face, a look of genuine surprise passed over his face. In an instance, he was yanked forward towards the alter. In triumph, Blackhall raised the arcane blade and plunged it into the struggling entity.
NORA: NO!
MECHANIST: DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU WERE NOT EXPECTED?! ANTICIPATED?!
BLACKHALL: Sharp knife! Sharp knife to send him to the deep temple! Flay and say my words! For I am the gate! I am the mouth of the word! In Ug-Qualtoth’s name feast on the BLOOD OF THE UNBOUND STRANGER!
SFX: ENERGY RIPPLES.
MECHANIST: IT IS COMPLETE! ALL THE POWER OF THE UNIVERSE!
BLACKHALL: RISE UG-QUALTOTH! THE GATE IS OPEN!
MECHANIST: YES…THE GATE IS OPEN, BUT NOT FOR YOUR GOD PUNY MAN.
BLACKHALL: What do you mean?
MECHANIST: A CHANGE OF PLAN. YOUR ASSISTANCE AND LOYALTY HAS BEEN MOST BENEFICIAL TO ME OBEDIAH BLACKHALL, BUT THAT USEFULLNESS HAS COME TO AN END.
BLACKHALL: YOU! YOU LIED TO ME! NO! No! Not when we are so close! UG-QUALTOTH! ABDUL COME FORTH! ALHAZZARED G’YETH G’YETH! HEAR MY CALL!
MECHANIST: LISTEN CLOSE OBEDIAH BLACKHALL. YOUR JUDGEMENT IS SILENCE. THE VOID IS EMPTY. ALLOW ME TO HELP YOU TO FILL IT!
ANNOUNCER: Compelled by the crown, Obediah Blackhall shuffled forward into the crackling energy of cosmic forces amassing in the staff before him. Forces he now dreamed of wielding, stretched out, shredding him into ribbons and pulling him into the timeless void he dreamt his gods slumbered in. With a keening wail, he was gone.
SHROUD: NO! STOP! STOP IT! MECHANIST! Face me! Hiding behind your cult of synthetic slaves and rabid robots! Unless you fear that once again, your powers PALE in the face of TRUE JUSTICE!
ANNOUNCER: Two figures emerged from the shadows of the stone lined hall. Kellogg lit up a cigarette, a triumphant smirk on his face.
THE BOSS: So much talking, just get ON with it already.
KELLOGG: Looks like that branch there is cooked up right, yeah?
MECHANIST: I TOLD YOU TWO TO WAIT AT THE BOAT! FOOLS!
SFX: GUN COCKED
KELLOGG: You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to take off that helmet so I’d have a clean shot. I figured that crown didn’t exactly fit well over a helmet. You know, for whatever the hell you are…you’re pretty fucking thick. The staff. Give it to me.
MECHANIST: LOOK AROUND YOU KELLOGG. YOU STAND ALONE. PERHAPS YOU’D LIKE A WORD WITH THE BOSS?
THE BOSS: A word? I’m not real good with them, but what I am good with is knowing what horse to back. Yours is running flat out for crazy town. I’m hedging my bets with someone with a brain.
HANCOCK: Well half a brain anyway we shot up the other half.
MECHANIST: BETRAYAL? CHARMING.
KELLOGG: I’m guessing on this side whatever void you crawled out of, you live by our rules now. Let’s find out.
SFX: GUN FIRES.
ANNOUNCER: Kellogg fired and before the Mechanist could summon the arcane power to stop the bullet’s path, his movements caused the bullet to strike the scarab, its jade crystal shattering from the impact.
MECHANIST: AHHHHHHHH! MY CROWN! BUT I NEED IT NOT. THE STAFF YOU WANT KELLOGG? THE STAFF YOU SHALL HAVE.
ANNOUNCER: Seizing the staff, the Mechanist raised it triumphantly.
MECHANIST: TOO MANY PLOTS. TOO MANY VOICES AND CHARACTERS. LET’S SIMPLIFY THINGS…GIVE MY REGARDS TO BLACKHALL!
SFX: ENERGY DISTORTION.
ANNOUNCER: Raising up the staff, the Mechanist waved it in the air, forming an arcane symbol and then in a violent downward stroke in Kellogg’s and The Boss’s direction. In an instant they faded from existence.
MECHANIST: TOO MANY PLOTS! TOO MANY VOICES AND CHARACTERS! CUT! CUT! CUTTING ROOM!
ANNOUNCER: Hancock, Cultists and Triggermen alike vaporized in silent screams. The island shook, water peeling back as pulses of energy rippled outward. In the distance Diamond City rose, fell and rose again, the Prydwyn at Boston airport vanished, changed shape from a balloon to a spaceship and back again. Danse glanced at Nora, the last thing he saw before he too was cut from the universe itself, along with her. Standing alone, Detective Nick Valentine and the Silver Shroud were all that stood against reality itself tearing apart.
SHROUD: We have to get that staff from him! The forces he is wielding aren’t met for human or inhuman hands!
VALENTINE: We need a distraction. See if you can blind him with some bullets to the face. My speed should give me the upper hand.
MECHANIST: AT LAST YOU TWO STAND ALONE, WITH ME AND ALL POSSIBILITIES, ALL IDEAS AND OUTCOMES FLOWING INTO ME. I CAN HEAR YOU!
VALENTINE: Screw it! GO!
SHROUD: TASTE MY BULLETS OF JUSTICE EVIL-DOER!
SFX: BULLETS FIRE.
MECHANIST: MECHANIST? THE MECHANIST IS AN IDEA. THE MECHANIST IS A FICTION.
ANNOUNCER: Valentine charged forward with robotic speed and precision, bounding off the walls, grabbing hold of the Mechanists gloved hand, trying to peel his fingers from the staff. With a gesture, Valentine was hurled backwards, slamming into the wall.
MECHANIST: YOUR STORY IS COMING TO AN END. SO ONE LAST TWIST I THINK.
SFX: ARMOR CLATTERS TO THE GROUND.
TRICKSTER: The Mechanist….IS ME!
SHROUD: The TRICKSTER! Vile villain, corruption of space and time itself! Begone from here! We shall not partake in your deceptions and illusions!
VALENTINE: The Viking goat footed dude from the Grognak comics? I feel like reality has completely lost the plot.
TRICKSTER: I be the Trickster! How do you do? And YOU….oh you beautiful puppet. You opened the door Nora, opened the door and the morsels on the stoop, so delicious: pain, fear, and a clever disguise wrapped in a LIE. The “Sole Survivor”, but what’s in a name? Is she numbers bound by ice? No, she’s weaving a legend all her own. A legend powerful enough to take a character of fiction and bring it to life. The Silver Shroud, Champion of Justice, the shadow of Scollay Square. In name alone, you brought hope to the hopeless, and fear into the beautiful hearts of evil. Sole Survivor and Silver Shroud Radio, and in borrowed finery you made them all BELIEVE. An idea made flesh, just…like….ME. You opened the door, called and I came! In a guise of my own, lifted from pages just the same.
SHROUD: GOAT FOOTED GADFLY! You have tampered with the unseen forces of creation itself! Tampered with the very tapestry of reality! There are no words invented and penned to page that can encapsulate your deed! For all that I am, for all that I never was and could be, what I do know is that I am the idea born from the idea that victims shall be avenged! That’s wrongs shall be made right! In the name of vengeance, justice hear me monster! DEATH and ERASURE has come from you fractured fiction and I AM IT’S SHROUD!
SFX: TOMMY GUN FIRES. ENERGY DISTORTIONS.
TRICKSTER: (laughing) Words are like bullets that cannot harm me! Not when you wield the same fiction as we!
SHROUD: I genuinely don’t understand what’s going on right now.
VALENTINE: This is burning out a few circuits trying to wrap my head around, but I think I’m starting to. Out of everyone destined to die, Nora didn’t. She become a keystone event. It all started with her. When she became the Silver Shroud.
SHROUD: But I AM the Silver Shroud!
VALENTINE: No listen, whether she chose the paths that led her to picking up that hat, coat and gun or some unseen cosmic force did…it doesn’t matter, because it just is. She CHOSE to listen to Silver Shroud radio and meet Kent Connolly. She CHOSE to put on that costume, take action in his name and build belief in the IDEA of the Silver Shroud being not just something from a comic book but something real, tangible.
SHROUD: Reality is not subjective! Is anyone else following this?!
VALENTINE: It’s why me, Danse and Magnolia could see the changes in the world, rippling back from right here, right now as that maniac starts messing with reality.
TRICKSTER: Because you weren’t BORN fiddle-dee! You were an IDEA!
SHROUD: (awe-struck) I am powerless against you…my silver Tommy gun useless? Am I…not real? You, we, were born from unfettered belief and faith in an idea…manifested reality.
VALENTINE: Because Nora believed in you and made others believe.
TRICKSTER: AND NOW! Not only are we FREEEEEE! We can STAYYYYYY! ALL OF US FREEEED!
ANNOUNCER: Everywhere, space cracked like splintering glass, shards of cosmic space tumbling away to the surging surf of Boston Harbor. Things from everywhere, every reality, every idea and the inevitable terminus of an idea crawled forth, free to wander in a brave new world.
SHROUD: VILLAIN! You did ALL of this to make yourself a GOD?!
TRICKSTER: Not A GOD! GODS ARE WE!
SFX: PORTAL OPENS
ANNOUNCER: Grabbing hold of the skin of reality from another world, it hauled itself into reality.
SHEOGORATH: How do you do! Shame about our Gatekeeper! But ohhhh what a beautiful tapestry I could’ve made with his blood!
TRICKSTER: My Janus and Twin! The idea made opposite. Madness and Trickery!
SHEOGORATH: Trickery and Madness! It’s a BRAVE new world with such meat bags in it!
VALENTINE: Just who the hell is this now?
SHROUD: Not to be rude my sharp dressed fellow, but just who in the hell are you?
SHEOGORATH: I am a shadow in your subconscious, if you had one! You’re made of paper! What a frail little thing you are! And this one! By the Dwewer’s Eyes?! Someone has already flayed your skin! BEAUTIFUL! Can I have the name of your face tailor? Give em my card! Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness!
VALENTINE: You sure are.
SFX: EARTHQUAKE.
SHEOGORATH: PARDON IF THAT’S ME! I just ate a 15 pound block of the finest CHEESE and then took a nap in a nightmare! Who’s up for Tiddlywinks with arms and legs?
SHROUD: Look! The very cosmos! The sky is falling!
VALENTINE: These maniacs are going to tear it all apart!
ANNOUNCER: A crack appeared above them, something white and rebotic, a servo actuated eye fixing them with a cool, malevolent stare.
GLADOS: Oh. It’s…I don’t know who any of you are. Or where this is. My monitors. My testing. All gone. I don’t know where this place is, but it’s dirty. I’d like to go home now.
ANNOUNCER: Behind them, footsteps echoed up the hallway.
JOKER: Trickster? Sheogorath? These impersonators are driving me BATTY! There's only one real JOKER! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
SHEOGORATH: OH! LAD! That’s a good one! Come over here! I invented music once after ripping someone to pieces! Something tells me! It’s time for a tune!
SFX: FIST FIGHTING.
MASAKI: Masaki has returned! Now, Grand Fisher's kind will taste defeat from the bow of a Quincy!
SHEOGORATH: Oh! You put an arrow through my shoulder you daft cow!
VALENTINE: None of these…things belong here.
SHROUD: But at least they are fighting amongst themselves.
SFX: PORTALS OPENING.
VALENTINE: Now what?
CLAPTRAP: Helllllo Wasteland! It is I! Claptrap here to save the day! Oh GlaDOS is here. Wellll running into an ex when you least expect it is awkward.
GLADOS: Oh. It’s YOU. You fell through a singularity I was saving for someone’s birthday party. And then, you never even called.
TRICKSTER: TOO!! MUCH! TOO MANY!!!! CAN’T STOP! CAN’T STOP! WHOOOOPSIIEEEEE!
SFX: GUNSHOT
TRICKSTER: MY HAND! OHHHH! WHO SHOT ME!
SNIPER: Oi! Sorry! That was me! Sniper here! The drift on this rifle….sight’s a bit off. If you wouldn’t mind holding still a bit so I can wrap up this match!
VALENTINE: His hand is wounded…we need to get him away from that staff!
SFX: PORTALS OPENING.
ANNOUNCER: In a flash, a bodybuilder in jeans emerged from a tear behind the Trickster, booting him in the face, pinwheeling him away into the battling throng as Sheogorath was deftly making a jump rope with someone’s entrails. The Joker shooting acid into an opponents eyes.
DUKE: The name’s Nukem, Duke Nukem. Here’s to kick ass and chew bubblegum and there’s no bubblegum here in the wasteland (annoyed moan).
VALENTINE: The staff! Grab it!
ANNOUNCER: Valentine ran forward and was repelled by the crackling forces emerging from the staff.
SHROUD: It’s no good! It’s bound to him! We need to get him far away from here to break the bond.
VALENTINE: Great idea. How?
GLADOS: I have an idea. It rhymes with neurotoxin. Oh. I gave away the surprise. Wait. Oh! Oh my. You’re beautiful.
SHROUD: Madam this is hardly the time…
GLADOS: I wasn’t talking to you. You’re a hideous deformed monster that was vomited up half eaten by a hideous deformed monster. I was talking to YOU. You’re like me, but with arms, legs and lips, unlike my ex. Who was a trash can. Would you be interested in testing with me sometime?
VALENTINE: Uhhh…sure. A little busy at the moment with two maniacs about to destroy reality.
GLADOS: Yes. They came through portals. I know quite a lot about these. Here.
SFX: PORTAL GUN FALLS.
GLADOS: It’s a portal gun. You shoot once and then again and you can jump right through. It’s very convenient. I once knew someone who killed me. Might I suggest shooting the moon?
VALENTINE: The moon?
SHROUD: Yes of course! If we send that split footed fiend into the vast oxygenless emptiness of space! He will get his come uppance! Thank you intelligent sociopathic blender for your assistance in the cause of justice! Should you ever find yourself this side of a nightmare once again, I’d love to make a heart fortifying blend of nutrients with you in the form of a cool smoothie!
GLADOS: If I did dream, it would be imagining you choking on your own vomit. Of Justice. For Science.
ANNOUNCER: Picking up the portal gun, the Silver Shroud targeted the barely visible moon amongst the shattering dome of the heavens, as Blue Trains with cheery faces breathing fire, circled in the sky above. Pulling the trigger, the gun discharged energy surging into the sky further and further until it was no longer visible.
VALENTINE: That’s done it! Shoot him! Shoot him!
TRICKSTER: You can’t hurt me! Not me!
SHROUD: Villains talk too much evil-doer. Not with MY Silver Tommy Gun of justice. But this isn’t of our world and only an idea can kill another idea.
SFX: PORTAL GUN FIRES.
SFX: SUCTION OF SPACE
ANNOUNCER: The portal opened beneath the Trickster, the vacuum of space pulling him down in an instant, his wildly gesturing form impacting the surface of the moon and rolling away in moon dust.
SHROUD: The staff! Now! Take it!
VALENTINE: Well, hell I don’t want it.
SHROUD: I’m not FROM here remember?
ANNUNCER: Taking the staff in hand, Valentine felt power surging through him as he saw every path, quest, encounter, ever action, death, mistake…the tapestry of order, their order. Focusing on that pattern, the quaking earth stilled. One by one, things that didn’t belong there, modified into the universe, were sent back.
SHEOGORATH: Oh! I wasn’t even done making a cross stitch with this fellas sinew! Jyggalag! You right bastard! This was all your doing!
DUKE NUKEM: Those alien bastards!
JOKER: Curses! Foiled again!
ANNOUNCER: Wind whipped around them, day turning to night, and the fabric of reality at last shattered and fell away. Opening his eyes Detective Nick Valentine stood on a vast, horizonless void. The Silver Shroud standing next to him, smiling.
SHROUD: A formidable foe to be sure, but Valentine and the Shroud wrought vengeance upon them all.
VALENTINE: What is this place?
SHROUD: I think….I think it’s where I live. Lived, live, will always live. This my friend is where the ideas of someone, somewhere brought us into being. The Engine of Creation, in its truest sense…is the mind. And it is here that we must part.
VALENTINE: I’m not sure how I can thank you.
SHROUD: There is no need citizen! When evil walks the streets the streets of Boston, one man will always be lurking in the shadows shielding the innocent, judging the guilty. That guardian is THE SILVER SHROUD!
ANNOUNCER: With a smile and a tip of his hat, the Silver Shroud faded away. Alone now, for the first time since the first lonely memories he had of wandering the wastes before finding purpose and family, he thought about Nora’s words. The end game always comes at a cost, theirs was the Railroad and what they did to its guardians. It was the choice they made then, but what if they made a difference choice the next time?
VALENTINE: I guess we’ll find out.
SFX: ENERGY BUILDS. EXPLODES.
ANNOUNCER: The void faded away. A distant voice called to him.
ELLIE PERKINS: Nick. Nick! Hey Valentine! You okay? Since when do you sleep?
VALENTINE: (groggy) Ellie? Everything…okay?
ELLIE PERKINS: Last I checked? Hey someone dropped this off for you from Goodneighbor. When there’s some people downstairs. In a bit of a state about their missing daughter Darla. You’re gonna wanna take this one…you old pal Skinny Malone is mixed up in his somehow.
VALENTINE: Uhh…yeah. Thanks Ellie.
ANNOUNCER: Detective Nick Valentine looked down at the package and gently opened it. A magnolia and a blinking holotape. Smiling, Nick Valentine remembered and so had she.
VALENTINE: Be seeing you soon Nora.
SFX: HOLOTAPE LOADED IN
MAGNOLIA : Hey Valentine. Tried to drop a few honeyed thank you’s in your ear before you left but never got the chance. I know you’re not big on fanfare and would rather just duck out the back, but I wasn’t letting you off the hook that easy handsome. Had a fellah tell me once that in the end we’re all just stories. Someone tells our tale, flips that page and eventually puts us back on a shelf or switches off a terminal and just moves on. You told me that Nicky. Were we ever really here at all? Hell I don’t know. But with everything that’s happened, I think in the end we’re not JUST stories. You? You’ll always be there waiting in that back alley of Diamond City where that ruby red neon sign offers hope and help to anyone who seeks it out. Me? I’ll always be here with a swagger, a come hither smile and a song. Thanks for always lookin’ out for us. You’re a good neighbor Nicky and this little number is for you…
SFX: GOODNEIGHBOR FALLOUT 4 SONG PLAYS, FADES FROM CRACKLY HOLOTAPE TO CLEAR.
MEDIA: SCENE FADES TO MAGNOLIA SINGING ON STAGE IN FALLOUT 4, SLOW PULL BACK ON THE THIRD RAIL.
FADE TO: CREDITS.