CAST & VOICE TALENT

• Kenneth Vigue ~ Director
• Dr. Mark Hauswirth ~ Brian, Slick Willy, Grahm
• Jessica Dickey ~ Patsy
• Clint Winberry ~ Moose
• Christian Mower ~ Punch
• Simon Bugg ~ Radio Announcer
• Brad Williams ~ Jim

WRITTEN BY: George Wolf

 

MEDIA: INTRO

SFX: INTRO CUTS OUT

SFX: RADIO STATIC

MEDIA: CHIMES

MEDIA: OLD TIMEY RADIO SERIAL INTRO FANFARE

RADIO ANN:       From Galaxy News Radio studios in Washington, D.C. the Nukelight Vitamin Company presents: The Continuing Misadventures of Brian and MaryAnne, Episode 2: Briognak The Scouting Barbarian!

MEDIA: CRESCENDO FANFARE. OLD TIMEY DRUMS AND HORNS.

RADIO ANN:       Briognak! Defender of the good, vanquisher to the evil. Briognak! Muscles bulging and gleaming with oil, clad only in a loincloth made from a living possum. Briognak! Say his name, echoing from ancient times of violence and the cruelty of man towards man…in a world shattered by the ATOM and hurled back through time to a stone age. It is a time of blood, of fury…and in the dank swamps of Ancient Appalachia all fear one name: BRIOGNAK THE BARBARIAN!

MEDIA: CRESCENDO.

RADIO ANN:       In our last episode, Brian and his faithful companion MaryAnne valiantly fought Fraser the Scottish Doom Squirrel, but soon found themselves in the vile clutches of Solomon The Dusty at the Great Temple! Tricked into consuming some vile concoction, Brian was transformed into Briognak the Barbarian! Before we continue this epic tale, first a word from our sponsor.

JIM:                       Friends, we are advised-

DIRECTOR:          With the bottle please!

SFX: PICKING UP GLASS BOTTLE. GLASS TINKLING. AS IF FLICK GLASS.

JIM:                       Friends, we are advised to keep within our designated fallout shelter an adequate supply of not just food, but medicine and first aid. All those supplements. Iron, Vitamin A, Vitamin K, Calcium, Potassium…what's a fella to do? With the new Simple Shelter Syrup from the Nukelight Vitamin company…

DIRECTOR:          Now take a sip

SFX: UNCAPPING CORK BOTTLE

JIM:                       (muttered) Great Gazoo that's thick

JIM:                       With the new Simple Shelter Syrup from the Nukelight Vitamin company, simply stir a spoonful into your favorite drink and enjoy!

SFX: DROPPING OF SPOON IN A WATER GLASS, STIRRING

SFX: COUGHING, AS IF CHUGGING PURE RUBBING ALCOHOL

JIM:                       (punctuated with coughing) Simple Shelter syrup contains all the daily vitamins and minerals the average adult needs! You'll have a spring in your step, and be full of pep!

DIRECTOR:          Start from “the new simple shelter syrup”. Try not to cough.

JIM:                       (breath) With the new Simple Shelter Syrup from the Nukelight Vitamin company, simply stir a spoonful into your favorite drink and enjoy!

SFX: DROPPING OF SPOON IN A WATER GLASS, STIRRING

JIM:                       (typos are intentional, pronounce as written) Simple Selter syrup contains all the daily vitamins and minerals the average adult needs! You'll have a spring in your step, and be full of pep!

JIM:                       What..what proof is this? Oh, Oh I see. 180 proof. WOW.

DIRECTOR:          Re-do that last line, start from the drink.. But now with some real pep in  your voice after you take a sip.

SFX: DROPPING OF SPOON IN A WATER GLASS, STIRRING

JIM:                       (typos are intentional, pronounce as written) (with trademark radio announcer pep) Simple Sselter syrup contains ALL the daily vitamins and minerals the average adult needs! You'll have a SPRING in your step, and be full of pep! (small laugh)

JIM:                       Keep your shelves stocked and your shelter beddy, Keep your shelves stocked and your shelter ready!

JIM:                       (laughter) Yes, keep your shelter ready with this one amazing little bottle! It tastes great, too!

SFX: DROPPING OF SPOON IN A WATER GLASS, STIRRING

JIM:                       Simple Shelter syrup is the great tasting, Motivating, wasteland tasting multivitamin in a bottle!

DIRECTOR:          The line is Wasteland Saving

JIM:                       (punctuated like Jim Carrey trying to be funny) SIMPLE. SHELTER.SYRUP.  (laugh)

SFX: DROPPING OF SPOON IN A WATER GLASS, STIRRING

JIM:                       One spoonful once a day and you'll be the life of the party! It tastes great! Say, Can..Can  you have more than one a day?

DIRECTOR:          (sigh) aaaand it happened again. That's the third one this week.

DIRECTOR:          (adressing Jim) Okay great take, go get some fresh air and we'll try again.

JIM:                       Call today! The bombs could drop at any moment. Where would you be? Locked down in some syrupless shelter, that's where!

DIRECTOR:          Okay, someone get that bottle away from  him.

JIM:                       DISCOUNTS FOR BULK UDDERS!

SFX: FALLING BACK INTO THE FLOOR, POSSIBLE BOTTLES CLATTERING.

DIRECTOR:          Orders! Bulk orders! ….We really have to start cutting this stuff in half for the commercials. Can somebody drag him off set?

JIM:                       ORDER YOUR SIMPLE SYRUP TODAY!

RADIO ANNC:    And now…our story continues….

SCENE 1: EXT. FOREST. DAY.

SFX: WALKING ON GRAVEL

PATSY:                  Look all I’m saying is that if you want to be with me some things are going to have to change. You spend more time with that green goon than you do with me lately. What’s up with that?

PUNCH:                Hey! MEATBAG FACE! Punch not green goo! Punch was thrown in goo…but Punch not goo!

MOOSE:               Nah bro, she said...you know what never mind. Come on Babe! Once the Rusty Pick opens and we start raking in the caps with our new brews, things will settle down. We have some killer ideas of how to make it better, once we get things going I promise I’m going to take you somewhere nice.

PATSY:                  Oh yeah?.. We’re in the middle of a nuclear wasteland. Where are you going to take me that’s “Nice”?

MOOSE:               You know those fancy shops you like at that golf place? The one with all the pretty dresses?

PATSY:                  (Gasp!) You mean?...[Insert shop name here}?! They just opened! Ooooh you mean it baby?!

MOOSE:               Of course, we just need a little more time to get things going.

PATSY:                  You promise?

MOOSE:               I promise baby!

PUNCH:                Moose we here at Hot…cat place!

MOOSE:               Bro I told you already It’s “Hotdog”.

PUNCH:                Cat...Dog...both taste the same to Punch.

PATSY:                  Ew! That is so gross! I cant believe you would eat those...

PUNCH:                What you mean? You say you like Punch special yum yum yester night.

PATSY:                  You what?...you…you FED ME A CAT BURGER!? YOU ASSHOLE! You said it was!...

MOOSE:               Chill out you two! We got to act like normal customers if we’re going to get ahold of these recipes.

PUNCH:                Punch don’t understand why we need “reh sum pees”...

MOOSE:               Bro we talked about this. We need more selection than what we have. Your brews are killer but we need better meat recipes for the menu. You know we could just go get the ones you said you had back at…

PUNCH:                [FLIP OUT] Punch told you, me never go back there! BAD PLACE! BAD PLACE!

PATSY:                  Whoa!...What’s his problem?

MOOSE:               Easy bro, geez! Sorry I even brought it up. Punch uh...doesn’t like to talk about what his life was like before...that’s all.

PATSY:                  Yeah, like I wasn’t actually asking, nor do I give a flying fuck. I just don’t appreciate the yelling. He’s going to end up getting messing up my hair with his nasty breath. Can we just get these dogs and get out of here all ready?

PUNCH:                What big deal about dog meat anyway? It don’t have flavor like other meats.

MOOSE:               Oh my God Bro! No! Its not actual dog meat...I think....they just call them dogs…least I hope so. No one actually knows what the hell goes into those tube steaks.

PUNCH:                Punch head hurt. Me don’t understand.

MOOSE:               Yeah you and me both buddy. Hey how much caps you got?

SFX: CAPS JINGLE

PUNCH:                One..two...um...one...

PATSY:                  Oh for crying out loud. How much do you need?

MOOSE:               What? Oh at least one of each off the menu. You got caps Babe?

PATSY:                  As if. Step aside boys and I’ll show you how it’s done.

MOOSE:               Huh? What you mean?

SFX: WALKS AWAY

PUNCH:                Why she pushing up her boobs again?

SLICK WILLY:       HOOOOOO WHEEEE!! Welcome ya’ll to Hillfolk Hot...Damn! What can I get for you perdy lady. You tell ol Willy what tender meats be tempting your taste buds.

PATSY:                  (giggles) Well aren’t you sweet! I have an awful big appetite...

SLICK WILLY:       Oooh that’s what ol’Willy likes to hear, you looking for somethin spicy, sweet, maybe a little aged but savory? HOOOOO WHEEEE!

PATSY:                  Mmmm yes! All of it!

SLICK WILLY:       We he hell then! You could charm the skin off a Power Armor. Now you hold on to that tight little tube top of yers! I’ll have to get more meat out back. Give ol’ Willy a few minutes and I’ll satisfy those young cravings of yers.

SFX: SCREEN DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS, POTS AND PANS

PATSY:                  Hmph! Too easy!

SFX: PICKS LOCK BOX/CRUMPLES PAPERS

PATSY:                  Can we go now? Like I need a shower just from the way that old man was leering at me. Here.

SFX: PAPER CRUMPLES/PUTS IN MOOSES HANDS

MOOSE:               Are these?

PUNCH:                The res sum pees!

MOOSE:               Babe you are amazing! Hold on to these Punch. Come here beautiful!

PATSY:                  Mmm no...I am not in the mood. Um.... I have to go run somewhere but I will meet you boys back at the bar ok? Have fun playing with each other’s meat. Bye...

SFX: WALKS AWAY

MOOSE:               Ok...what’s up with her?

PUNCH:                Punch don’t understand silly humans, speshly her...

MOOSE:               Girls am I right? Let’s go get some of these ingredients before we head back.

SFX: BUSHES RUSTLE

MOOSE:               Uhhh is something in that bush.....?

SFX: BREAKS FROM BUSHES

BRIOGNAK:        (war cry) AAAAAAHHHHHH!

SFX: AXE SWINGS

MOOSE:               What the?! PUNCH look out!

SFX: AXE LANDS/GROUND BREAKS

BRIOGNAK:        Ah! You are fast for your kind. No matter I shall dispose of you quickly if you do not tell me where Grelok is!

MOOSE:               Woah bro we don’t know any gremloks and nobody takes a swing at my boy Punch!

SFX: SWINGS/FIST LANDS

BRIOGNAK:        Ergh! A fine hit! you are strong as you are large. A fellow barbarian perhaps? Yet why do you side with this mutant?

MOOSE:               That mutant happens to be my best friend!

BRIOGNAK:        Friend? Then you are under the servitude of Grelok as well?!

MOOSE:               Nah man! Me and punch are our own dudes! We don’t work for nobody else.

BRIOGNAK:        Curious...never have I met a barbarian who sides with the mutants. Most of his kind simply attack Bri…err Grognak to test their strength.

MOOSE:               Who?

BRIOGNAK:        Ah yes! My apologies. I am Grognak. Protector of this land. Liberator of captive virgins. Rival of the foul sorcerer Grelok. And you are?

MOOSE:               Us? Well, we’re Moose and Punch bro! We uh come from vault 76... well I do. Punch is from...somewhere in the bog right?

PUNCH:                No! Punch from deep in swamp, trees tangled in big vines and glowing pods at night. Very dangerous but pretty too.

BRIOGNAK:        Far from home then I see.

PUNCH:                No! Punch no call that home! Punch home crusty prick now.

BRIOGNAK:        Um what did you say?

PUNCH:                It abandoned bar in ass heap. Punch and Moose make brew and cook meats there. Here try!

SFX: PULLS OUT BOTTLE/POPS CORK

BRIOGNAK:        Hmmm awful friendly you are....I warn you, Grognak has trained his body to withstand poisons of all types. If this be a nefarious scheme of Greloks you will not live to see the sunrise....

SFX: TAKES SWIG

BRIOGNAK:        Whoa! That is quite strong...but a hearty ale fit for a warrior. I give you my thanks.

SFX: GUZZLES IT DOWN

PUNCH:                That is Punch’s special brew, make from plants and fruit in Cranberry Bog.

MOOSE:               Aw nice! I love that one. Its definitely in my Top 5, easy!

BRIOGNAK:        Top 5?

MOOSE:               Yeah man, like 5 of your favorite things. Brews in this case.

BRIOGNAK:        You mean there is more of these fine drinks?

PUNCH:                Yep! All at the Crusty Prick!

MOOSE:               Dude that’s not what it’s called. You got to stop calling it that. But yeah he’s right, along with some choice meats to go along with em...well at least there will be once we get these recipes down!

SFX: REACHES IN POCKET/PATS HANDS ON PANTS

MOOSE:               Shit Dude! The recipes!

PUNCH:                Oh no! Where they go?!

MOOSE:               They must of fell out in the scuffle with He-Dude over here. Everyone look for em!

PUNCH:                Oooh Punch found them, look they right here on.....

SFX: A GUST OF WIND BLOWS

PUNCH:                road.....there they go...bye reh sum pees!

MOOSE:               Awe man this is the worst!

PUNCH:                Don’t be sad Moose! We find way...

MOOSE:               Bro our grand opening is happening in a couple days.  We still got a ton of stuff to do.

PUNCH:                Oh...so where we get new re sum pees?...

MOOSE:               You know where....

PUNCH:                No! Nuh uh!

MOOSE:               Bro what other choice we have?!

PUNCH:                Punch never go back there!

MOOSE:               (sighs) Look I didn’t want to have to do this but...you owe me bro, remember that time I helped you out?...

PUNCH:                (fake laugh) HAHAHA....you make Punch laugh. Punch always save Moose.

MOOSE:               Oh yeah? What about that time we were looking for scrap in the mall....and we got separated?

PUNCH:                Punch no need help fighting skorked?

MOOSE:               No not that...I mean afterward when I found you?....you got stuck...cuz you and the mannequin were....

PUNCH:                BRO CODE! BRO CODE! Punch say shut face! Chode teach Punch to smash…

MOOSE:               Yeah…you smashed through to the subbasement, and I had to haul you out of there with 5 feet of granny panty rope. So you said...(mimic punch) “Punch owe Moose, anyfing you need Punch help!”...remember that?

PUNCH:                Punch remember...but I no sound like that! Ok ok, Punch take you.

MOOSE:               Alright! I knew you’d come through buddy! Come on we better get going before it starts getting dark, we got a way to go!

BRIOGNAK:        Then its decided, our quest begins! What is our plan and where is our heading?

PUNCH:                Punch say we got sneaky quiet into place, find reh sum pees and sneaky sneak out and go home for snacks.

BRIOGNAK:        Sneak? I am not a child, nor do I have time for games! We should fight our way through!

PUNCH:                No! Too many super mutants, bigger and stronger than Punch. Old leader there too?

BRIOGNAK:        Grognak does not cower from a fight! I shall face this foe face to face. What be his name?

PUNCH:                BlackSkull.

BRIOGNAK:        Hmmm I have never heard of this “BlackSkull”...?

MOOSE:               Uh that’s because he works in secret and stuff...for...for...Gremlok.

BRIOGNAK:        GRELOK?!

MOOSE:               Uh yeah that guy!

BRIOGNAK:        Why didn’t you say that in the first place?! We must find this “BlackSkull” and beat him senseless till he tells us where Grelok is hiding! Which way my small Warriors?

MOOSE:               Um....that way...

BRIOGNAK:         Make haste brothers! Aaaaaahhhhh! (Fades into distance)

SFX: RUNNING FADES OFF INTO DISTANCE

PUNCH:                Why you invite dum dum and BlackSkull have no leader?

MOOSE:               I know bro but the way I see it...this BlackSkull dude sounds tough, we need all the help we can get. Just trust me ok?

PUNCH:                (Mumbles) Punch no like. But Punch like Moose. We go.

MOOSE:               Thanks buddy. Now lets hurry about before this guy gets lost. Hey Bro-g-nak wait up!

SFX: MULTIPLE FOOTSTEPS RUN OFF INTO DISTANCE

SLICK WILLY:       (hums a tune as he enters hotdog truck) Wha?...What the? Aww dag nabbit! That big breasted temptress done bamboozeled ol’ Willy! Took my recipes and all! That’s it! I try to be a good member of society but these darn kids got no respeck! Well I’ll tell ya one thing, aint no body gonna pull the wool over ol’ Willy’s eyes no more. No siree! Its time for Plan B! Im gonna....

SFX: BUSHES RUSTLE MARYANNE STEPS THROUGH

MARYANNE:      Excuse me! Mr. Willard!

SLICK WILLY:       Wha?...ohh well hello there sweet thing what can I do for ya?

MARYANNE:      You have happen to see a tall...really muscular man...(drifts off into thinking) with the face of an Angel....(sighs)….have you?

SLICK WILLY:       It depends what’s it to ya?

MARYANNE:      Um I’m sorry I don’t understand....

SLICK WILLY:       Oh but Ol’ WIlly does! I ain’t handing out no more favors or anys informations to you young whipper snappers cuz you always takes advantage of muh kindness. Well no more, Ignacious WIlliard is putting his foot down.

MARYANNE:      But Mr. Williard, I never...

SLICK WILLY:       Don’t you Mr. Williard me! Coming out that shrub like a doe-eyed damsel. Pulling on my heart strings and tightening my trousers. I got your number now little missy! You’re all the same I tell ya!

MARYANNE:       (says to self) I don’t have time for this....(SNAP, get angry and direct) Listen here you Moonshine drinking old fart! I don’t have time to play games with YOU! The love of my life is in danger!

SLICK WILLY:       Heh! You don’t scare me I...

SFX: GRABS HIM BY HIS CLOTHES/PULLS BACK HAMMER ON GUN

MARYANNE:      (leans in and talks slowly and clearly) Now I know he came through here, so unless you want to lose what teeth you have left, I suggest you tell me...NOW!

SLICK WILLY:       Ok! Ok! I saw fellers heading off in the distance, not to long ago. They went that way!

MARYANNE:       (clears throat/goes back to her sweet voice) erhmmm! Well that wasn’t so hard now was it? Thank you Mr. Williard, I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day! (hums a happy tune)

SFX: HUMS A TUNE AS SHE SKIPS OFF INTO THE DISTANCE

SLICK WILLY:       (panting/out of breath) Lordy! These youngins are getting more violent every day! Ol’ Willy has got to look out for himself....yep...(breathes heavily)...definitely time for “Plan B”.

MEDIA: TRANSITION MUSIC

SFX: TWIGS SNAP/PUSH BRANCHES OUT OF THE WAY/AXE SWINGS

BRIOGNAK:        Have at thee!

SFX; SWINGS AXE/BRANCHES BREAK

BRIOGNAK:        Ha! Nothing can stand against me!

MOOSE:               Dude chill out, it’s just a couple of bugs. Mire is full of em.

BRIOGNAK:         Foolish young warrior. You should never underestimate your opponent no matter what they look like. Poison courses through these foul creatures, they could drop you if you become overrun, no doubt sent by Grelok to thwart our quest. Hyyahh!

SFX: AXE SWING/BUG SCREECH/GUTS BURST

MOOSE:               Bro watch where you're swinging that! You got bug guts in my eyes. Ah, smells like Patsy's homemade beauty products. Punch tell me we are close. If I got to spend another hour with this guy, I'm gonna to lose my shit!

PUNCH:                Not much more to go....Punch think...

MOOSE:               You think? Bro do you even know where you’re going?

PUNCH:                Yes!

MOOSE:               We’re lost aren’t we?

PUNCH:                What? Noooo, Punch know exakly where....we uhhhhh…we in lost.

MOOSE:               Dude why didn’t you just say something! We’ve been traveling for hours!

BRIOGNAK:         Tiny warrior is right. We've passed that mechanical horse before...a “Corvega” as you call it. Strange name for a horse....strange looking horse though as well.

MOOSE:               Barbarian dude, we’ve been through this, it’s a car...

BRIOGNAK:        Yes, so you say, but again, what is a “car???”

MOOSE:               (sighs) Forget it.

PUNCH:                Don’t be mad Moose, it not Punch’s fault, it been long time since I've been back to this place.

MOOSE:               I get that but I have my pip boy, I could of just looked it up!

PUNCH:                Oh. Ha ha. Punch forgot about fancy watch thing. My bad.

SFX; FLIPS SWITCH/PIPBOY HUMS/RADIO FREQUENCY/STATIC/CRACKLES/SMACKS PIPBOY

MOOSE:               What the? That’s weird, never had problems with this thing before. Can’t get a good signal, maps going in and out.

BRIOGNAK:        Ha! Tiny warrior relies on useless magic to help. Real warriors only need strength.

MOOSE:               Oh yeah? You got a better idea loin cloth? Cuz I’d love to hear it.

BRIOGNAK:        Instinct. Everything we need is right here.

PUNCH:                What he talking about? Punch think he get stung by too many sting things, he go cuckoo! Cuckoo!

MOOSE:               Heh! Looks like it bromigo!

BRIOGNAK:        You mock the warriors way?! Silence!

MOOSE:               Alright alright, chill. We’re just yankin yer chain.

BRIOGNAK:        I said silence! Listen, what do you hear?

MOOSE:               Uhhh bugs, creek water?

BRIOGNAK:        Good, what do you hear green one?

PUNCH:                Punch hear gurgle noise,

SFX: STOMACH GURGLE

PUNCH:                Ooh! Ooh! I know this one, its my stow mach!

MOOSE:               Haha! That’s my boy, always thinkin with his gut!

BRIOGNAK:        (sighs) No…listen beyond that.

SFX: CRUNCHING NOISE

PUNCH:                Hmmm. Punch hear…..crunching noise….like…roasted radroach…mmmmm

BRIOGNAK:        Focus!

PUNCH:                Oh, Oh sorry. (slowly breaths in and out).hmmmm…I hear…

SFX: LEAVES CRUNCHING/TWIG SNAPS/DEER NOISE

PUNCH:                I hear….a reindeer…ooh look! It’s a snowy one too!

MOOSE:               What the?...what kind of radstag is that?

BRIOGNAK:        That is no ordinary radstag my friend.

MOOSE:               Well what is it?

BRIOGNAK:        It is a spirit guide.

MOOSE:               A guide? For what?

BRIOGNAK:        For our green companion of course.

PUNCH:                For me? Punch no understand.

BRIOGNAK:        This is your quest my friend, to reclaim what is rightfully yours. We shall aide in your journey, but YOU must lead us.

MOOSE:               It’s just staring at us? This thing got bird flu rabies or something?

BRIOGNAK:        It wants us to follow.

SFX: STEPS FORWARD LEAVES CRUNCH

MOOSE:               Bro where are you going?

PUNCH:                Punch follow silly deer. Punch not know why.

MOOSE:               Alright bro, I got your back, lets go.

BRIOGNAK:        Wait! I must oil myself.

MOOSE:               Uhhhhh what?

BRIOGNAK:        I shall not quest further until I have anointed the temple that is Grognak’s rippling muscles with special oils.

SFX: SHUFFLING NOISES. POSSUM YELLING.

MOOSE:               Oh my God dude! Put your loincloth possum thing back on! We can see your junk!

SFX: POSSUM YELLING.

MOOSE:               Is that thing alive!?

BRIOGNAK:        Its scent glands provide the anointed essence from which I draw my strength and that strikes terror into my foes when they gaze upon the expanse of my person.

PUNCH:                YUCK! SMELL BAD!

BRIOGNAK:        Would you like to anoint you?

MOOSE:               No. Dude. No.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS QUIKEN IN LEAVES

BRIOGNAK:        Come my brothers! We must make haste!

MEDIA: INTENSE CHASE MUSIC

SFX: RUNNING THROUGH LEAVES/TWIGS SNAP

PUNCH:                Hurry! We can’t lose it! (Huffing and puffing)

BRIOGNAK:        We are right behind you, my friend! Lead on!

MOOSE:               Damn this thing is fast! Punch, look out!

SFX: GROANS/ROARS/GRAFTON MONSTER

PUNCH:                Wha? Whoa!

SFX: SLAMS GROUND/WATER EXPLODES/TREE TRUNKS SPLINTERS/ROARS/GROANS

BRIOGNAK:        Go my friends, I shall deal with this monstrosity. Have at thee you blubbery hag! Hyaaah!

SFX: SWINGS AXE/MONSTER GROANS/SLAM!/GROGNAK HITS TREE

PUNCH:                Come on Moose! It getting away!

SFX: CHASE MUSIC/FOOTSTEPS COME TO A HALT/SLIDES ON GRAVEL

PUNCH:                (out of breath) Where it go?!

MOOSE:               (out of breath) It just disappeared! Now what?

PUNCH:                Maybe this is place we spose be?

MOOSE:               At a road? Wait look, there’s something coming this way…

SFX: POTS AND PANS CLANKING/COW MOOS

MOOSE:               Is that a cow? A white deer and now a cow, what the hell is going on?

PUNCH:                Cow?...that no cow…its CHALLY!

MOOSE:               Who?

PUNCH:                If that Chally than that mean…(gasps, in a hushed voice) GRAHM.

GRAHM:              Goods for sale! Discount plans and slightly used shoes. Goods of all kinds, armor, outfits, meats and treats. No better prices and goods in all of Appalachia, you can even get picture with Chally! For a small fee….

PUNCH:                Grahm! Grahm! (sniffs)GRAAAAAHHHM! (starts crying)

SFX: PUNCH SOBS/RUNS/SLAMS INTO GRAHM HUGGING HIM

GRAHM:              Whoa! What do we have here? Punch? Is that you?

PUNCH:                (sniffs/mid cry) Yeah it Punch. Grahm!

GRAHM:              Oh look at you! You got big! And you are out here all on your own?

PUNCH:                Not alone, me have best friend Moose!

MOOSE:               Uh hey there! Name’s Moose! I’m Punch’s bro. Punch who is this guy?

PUNCH:                This is Grahm! He take care of me when I was young super mutant.

MOOSE:               Oh I’ve heard of this guy, he’s that traveling sales man that everyone talks about. Nice to meet you Grahm

GRAHM:              (seriously) Punch become friend with a HUMAN?....hmmmm

MOOSE:               Uhh

GRAHM:              Hmmmm hahahah! That’s great news! I’m proud of Punch you become friends with human!

PUNCH:                Yep! Me friends with bunch of hoo mans, after mee left villiage to make own life, live dream, like you!

GRAHM:              I knew you would! Hahaha! Big brother proud of you!

SFX: HUGS GRAHM TIGHTLY/SQUEEZING

GRAHM:              Oh! Take it easy on ol’ Grahm. You squeeze me pretty good! You’ve gotten stronger, that’s good! Now tell Grahm, how is your brew?

PUNCH:                They ok, not as good as yours though.

MOOSE:               Are you kidding me? Don’t listen to him Grahm dude! His brews are the best in Appalachia. We’re actually getting ready to open our own bar in a couple days. That’s why we’re out here.

GRAHM:              You come out here to open bar? Why Mire? There are lot better places.

PUNCH:                No, we come out here.... to get reh sum pees.... from tribe village.

GRAHM:              You going back?

PUNCH:                (Grunts in agreement)

GRAHM:              You know once you leave you never go back, BlackSkull will kill you.

PUNCH:                Punch knows, but its important, its my dream.

GRAHM:               MMmmm. I understand Punch, you and me were always dreamers, that’s why we left. Hmmm. What you think Chally?!

SFX: MOOS

GRAHM:              Right! Chally agrees, we help you start your dream.

MOOSE:               Sweet bro! We could use the help.

SFX: BRANCHES SNAP/STUMBLES THROUGH BUSH ONTO ROAD

BRIOGNAK:        (Out of breath) Fret not brothers! The beast put up quite a fight but he was no match for my ferocity!

GRAHM:              You know this pale mutant Punch?

PUNCH:                He not mutant, he some type of warrior hooman. He friendly, though.

BRIOGNAK:        Oh, and who might you be? Friend or foe?

SFX: DRAWS AXE/GRIPS IT TIGHTLY

PUNCH:                No! This Grahm, He family, like Moose, but mutant. He no like BlackSkull like us. He on our side.

BRIOGNAK:        If you say so. But if he is a spy for Grelok I will not hesitate to smite you down!

GRAHM:              Grahm see you make interesting friends Punch..

PUNCH:                Yeah...hoomans strange but fun too!

MOOSE:               Alright guys so whats the plan anyway? What are we exactly walking into here?

PUNCH:                Punch don’t like to talk. Punch told you this!

GRAHM:              Punch. You put your friends in danger by taking them there, you need to tell them.

PUNCH:                Ok ok, Punch tell you whole story. We make fire, I tell you story, then we go at night.

MOOSE:               Sounds good to me bro!

BRIOGNAK:        A plan indeed!

MEDIA: TRANSITION MUSIC

SFX: FIRE CRACKELS/CRICKETS CHIRP

PUNCH:                And that story. Punch tired now.

MOOSE:               So what you’re saying is, a bunch of you leave WesTek, end up in the mire to be free...

PUNCH:                Mmmmhmmm.

MOOSE:               This BlackSkull guy shows up, takes over, tells you all what to do, some don’t listen and he just kills them?

PUNCH:                Mmmhmmmm.

MOOSE:               Anyone who won’t fight and kill the humans is killed?

PUNCH:                Yeah, BlackSkull hate humans, want to kill them all.

BRIOGNAK:        Sounds like a tyrant, a minion of Greloks to be certain.

GRAHM:              You keep saying Grelok? Who is....?

PUNCH:                Uhhh Punch tell you later...

MOOSE:               So, nobody has ever beat this guy?

PUNCH:                No, not true! BlackSkull big and strong but Grahm stronger and smarter. He only one to stand up to BlackSkull and win!

BRIOGNAK:        And with your victory you did not vanquish this foe?

GRAHM:              No...I did not want to kill. Too much killing, I want to live different life. Tired of war, want to help others. Sell things to make people happy and help Appalachia.

BRIOGNAK:        So you fled? The cowards way out, you are not a warrior as I thought.

PUNCH:                (Angrily) You don’t know Grahm! You...!

GRAHM:              Punch, calm down! Mmmm.  Maybe it would have been better if I had. But BlackSkull was not always full of hate. I left, not out of fear, but for different reasons. More followed. Gale, Maul, Thrash, left for better life and to live dream. Blackskull promise to take care of Punch. Not harm him. He was just a young mutant, he don’t remember much. BlackSkull said if I return though he would kill me or worse, hurt the others. I was banished.

PUNCH:                Punch learn everything he know from Grahm. He cook for whole tribe and teach me all I know about brew. We make reh sum peees together!

GRAHM:              Mmm that we did. I knew when you were big enough you would leave one day, so did BlackSkull.

PUNCH:                Things got bad after you left. BlackSkull only want to fight. No look for food or build stronger base, just want to fight all the time. Hoo mans, creatures, even own tribe. He just want to win all the time. People starve, many not make it. Others run away at nighttime. Disappear, don’t know if dead or not.

GRAHM:              Mmmm then rumors are true, I was afraid this happen. Its time for me to go back. I must help those that are left of our tribe.

BRIOGNAK:        Then it is settled, let us prepare for battle!

GRAHM:              No, not yet, Blackskull has gotten worse, I need to think more on this. You all shoud get                                  some rest for the night. I will take first watch.

MOOSE:               Cant argue with that, Im beat! Night guys.

PUNCH:                Punch help Grahm!

GRAHM:               You will have your time. Rest now Punch.

PUNCH:                (Defeated) Ok..night Grahm.

GRAHM:               Goodnight little brother.

BRIOGNAK:         Right! I guess I shall rest for now. I will take second watch by your command then.

GRAHM:               Hold up brave warrior, come, sit with Grahm. There’s much for us to discuss.

MEDIA: OLD TIMEY OUTRO MUSIC.

RADIO ANN:       And so Briognak and his tribe of great warriors fell into a deep sleep with danger approaching from all sides. Will the Warrior Queen MaryAnne find her lost hero in time? Will the ancient recipes for a warrior’s repaste be found in time? Tune in next time for the thrilling conclusion of BRIOGNAK THE SCOUTING BARBARIAN!

SFX: RADIO STATIC.

SFX: RADIO SHUTS OFF.